Six volumes

I discovered them today 

while getting out my art supplies.

Six volumes - 

each one 'darker' than the one that preceded it;

each volume more tightly packed 

with images, phrases and humor

 that only another ER staff person could appreciate - 

because it's not humor at all - 

its gulps of pain 

in a different key.

You see, the only 'New Years Resolution'

I made this year

was to play with paper, color and images again.

For years, 

I spent every Sunday afternoon 

working on a collage that encapsulated 

some aspect of my life 

at that moment.

It was often the best part of my week.

It was certainly the healthiest time 

as I got out of my head and onto paper 

issues that were gnawing at me; 

sometimes silently, 

sometimes, not so much.

I have a series of 'personal' journals

and 

'work' journals.

(More 'stuff' my sons will have to wrestle with when I draw my last breath!

Here's hoping they at least look at them
before they use them as fireplace fodder!)

My personal journals are a bit more 'polished';

more carefully curated;

but the images in the 'work' journals 

were often done late at night after a bad shift,

when sleep couldn't be found

and images had to be exorcised 

before my mind could settle.

The last time I looked through the 'personal' journals was about 2-3 years ago;

looking through the 'work' related journals

was even longer ago than that.

But I spent time 

and did just that 

this morning.

I have such sympathy for the person I was then...

the human sponge absorbing so much of the pain 

that walked into the ER on a daily basis - 

as if I didn't have enough in my own life already!

There is nothing subtle in these images -

they're raw and real

 and looking at them now 

I can feel my blood pressure rise...

I have a new appreciation for why I'm concerned about going back to the hospital - 

IF things work out with the grant.

I also can't help but wonder what my images will be like this year -

guess there's only one way to find out...

getting out the scissors and glue sticks now.

BTW -

One volume starts with this image...

and ends with this one -

Nice to know some things never change!