Not a rhetorical question

It will come as no surprise to any of you that I've been struggling in my new job; 

can it still be considered 'new' if I've been there for 5 months?

Building a new clinic from the ground up is daunting; 

fraught with daily obstacles, difficulties 

and unintended consequences 

from choices made early on in the process.

Frankly, it's exhausting ...

and I'm old.

I don't have the stamina for challenge I once had, 

nor apparently do I have the amount of ego tied up with this venture 

that I did with my position in the ER.

Say what you will about the pitfalls of a driven ego 

(insert picture of Donald Trump here) 

but the energy it generates can certainly carry you through some tough times.

Don't get me wrong; 

I want to do well. 

I want the clinic to succeed. 

There's not an element of it that I don't believe in 

but I recognize and acquiesce
to the limitations of my influence and abilities 

far more than ever before.

And I've wondered A LOT 

if this is truly Gods call for me.

Because here's the truth - 

from the moment I said Yes to God, 

life's gotten a lot harder!

How hard should call be?

A question for my spiritual discernment group tonight!