The Ledger

Apparently, I subscribed to the old fashioned tradition of 'using what you've got';

I discovered this treasure from 2008 

while I was rummaging yesterday!

Because of the size of the pages, the images don't scan as well

but here are a few of my favorites anyway.

She lived a small life, 

but made a big difference.

 made of more than her yesterdays

He wasn't what she expected.

 She realized he was right;

it WAS a sad game and she had gotten used to playing it.

That was sadder still.

 Birds of worry and care will fly over your head;

this you cannot change.

But that they build nests in your hair,

this you can prevent.

He had one Mickey Mouse job after another.

He was finally done!

Beyond middle age - 

still  grateful to be here!

I can feel the creative juices flowing again already!

I've also decided to have 'Art Camp' on some Sunday afternoons -

with friends and wine/rum slush.

2015 could be a great year!

Six volumes

I discovered them today 

while getting out my art supplies.

Six volumes - 

each one 'darker' than the one that preceded it;

each volume more tightly packed 

with images, phrases and humor

 that only another ER staff person could appreciate - 

because it's not humor at all - 

its gulps of pain 

in a different key.

You see, the only 'New Years Resolution'

I made this year

was to play with paper, color and images again.

For years, 

I spent every Sunday afternoon 

working on a collage that encapsulated 

some aspect of my life 

at that moment.

It was often the best part of my week.

It was certainly the healthiest time 

as I got out of my head and onto paper 

issues that were gnawing at me; 

sometimes silently, 

sometimes, not so much.

I have a series of 'personal' journals

and 

'work' journals.

(More 'stuff' my sons will have to wrestle with when I draw my last breath!

Here's hoping they at least look at them
before they use them as fireplace fodder!)

My personal journals are a bit more 'polished';

more carefully curated;

but the images in the 'work' journals 

were often done late at night after a bad shift,

when sleep couldn't be found

and images had to be exorcised 

before my mind could settle.

The last time I looked through the 'personal' journals was about 2-3 years ago;

looking through the 'work' related journals

was even longer ago than that.

But I spent time 

and did just that 

this morning.

I have such sympathy for the person I was then...

the human sponge absorbing so much of the pain 

that walked into the ER on a daily basis - 

as if I didn't have enough in my own life already!

There is nothing subtle in these images -

they're raw and real

 and looking at them now 

I can feel my blood pressure rise...

I have a new appreciation for why I'm concerned about going back to the hospital - 

IF things work out with the grant.

I also can't help but wonder what my images will be like this year -

guess there's only one way to find out...

getting out the scissors and glue sticks now.

BTW -

One volume starts with this image...

and ends with this one -

Nice to know some things never change!

Free faling

I'm finding out that it's not a huge step from 'favored' to 'forgotten';

it's one tiny misstep,
a stumble, really;
and it's left me free falling
in the abyss in between.

And, yes,
I know exactly how much ego sounds tied up 

in thinking of yourself as 'favored'.

But, to be honest, it felt like I was;

in the sense that I felt connected 

to the positive realms of the universe,

the healthiest part of myself 

and, dare I say it,

the will of God
for me.

Until I decided to step out in faith -

and I've been in the abyss ever since!

Even the temptation offer of going back to work in the hospital
seems to have evaporated.

And I honestly don't know if that's the good news
or the bad news!

Within the same hour,
I saw both this reminder

and read a message about 'post holiday' blues
and a 'return to normal'.

The message reminded us that Joseph and Mary didn't stay in the glow
of an angel encrusted stable,
the interior lit
by the glowing star outside
and inside
the halos pulsating round their heads;
they returned home...
after being fawned over and lauded,
they went back to 'the ordinary'

Lest we think a divine calling means venturing 
to faraway, exotic lands 

and living among far more interesting people, 

or at least finding better jobs with loftier titles,

the story says it might mean simply going home. 

Go back to where you started, 

back to the old stories and whispers, 

back to your mundane and sometimes even boring life. 

Change might never show up in a particular place or position; 

change might only show up 
in you.  

See how the holy already threads through our mundane? 

The “same old, same old” is ever new, 
ever becoming, 

because we are. 

Everything that really matters is coming to an end. 

Everything that really matters is now beginning. 

Where will we see it? 

In us.

Come to think of it,

free falling would be better 

than being battered between these two viewpoints.

A year that seemed to start out with such focus

feels destined to end in a state of confusion -
one of my least favorite states -

and you know how much I usually love road trips!!

Q: What's better than a trip to the Art Museum?

A: A trip to the Art Museum with my favorite artist!

I always seem to see things in a new way

when I'm with him;

to notice details or themes that have eluded me before;

character studies like this one 

in which you can clearly see the depression of the artists sister (on left) 

that would lead to her hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital 

shortly after this was painted,

as well as paintings so finely detailed 

they seem to be a photograph.

Large modern works 

as well as 'Soundsuits'

by the fabulous, Nicholas Cave

also a graduate of KCAI,
like Art Boy!

What a great day to be in Forest Park!

Happy BIrthday, Tomas

once love is made 

it exists.

even without the lovers.

Other images from the weekend ...

because I just can't get enough of this face!

Her folks might climb aboard the crazy train
from time to time
but their genes look great together!