Apparently, even in my sleep, I try to make things easy for myself...
I believe in dreams.
I believe in signs.
I believe in paying attention.
I accept that there are things I don't understand, that the concept of time is relative and that the boundaries of time may be permeable.
In my dream, the night before Andy died, we were driving in a van (what else?).
We were headed toward a National Park neither one of us had ever been to before - and his excitement about exploring new territory was palpable.
From a distance, as we approached the park, we could see two figures standing by the entry sign.
One was Don Moccasin; the other was Bob Skinner, a beloved friend and our former Rector - who died 12 years ago.
Andy and I were amazed to see them together but, almost immediately, we started laughing at the idea of Bob being in a National Park.
Bob was many things but an outdoorsman, he was not.
His idea of roughing it was having to walk down a long hallway at the Ritz to the ice maker when room service was too busy to bring it up!
Andy remarked, "There must be a 5 star lodge with great food, smooth scotch and featherbeds in this park, or else Bob wouldn't be here".
We were still laughing when I realized Andy had pulled the van off to the shoulder of the road. As I turned to him, he said "Babe, this is where you get out".
The next thing I knew, I was standing alone at the curb, watching him drive off - way too fast, of course; a little pissed (OK; more than a little) but mostly curious about how the hell I was going to get back without a vehicle!
Then the light dawned and, even though I was still sleeping, I got that this was about Andy dying and there was only so far I could go with him.
I woke up - wanting to cry, yet grateful for the image of two important friends waiting for Andy to arrive at his next destination.
I'll bet, after a good meal and a good nights sleep, he's exploring already.
Very sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like Andy was an amazing individual. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete(I shouldn't read these while I am at work. My co-workers probably think I have lost it as I am sitting here sobbing at my desk).