Saturday, October 25, 2014

Halloween poem

Anybody else remember this from grade school?Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate.
The first one said, "Oh my, it's getting late."
The second one said, "There are witches in the air."
The third one said,"But we don't care!"
The fourth one said, "Let's run and run and run."
The fifth one said, "I'm ready for some fun!"
Wooooo went the wind,
and out went the light,
and the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight!

Friday, October 24, 2014

Keep it covered!

Halloween is clearly not just reserved for kids anymore -
not that it ever was...
 but adults can't seem to let it go-
especially Boomers!

According to G.Dennis Rains, 
a psychology professor at Kutztown University in Kutztown, Pa,
our costume choices reveal a lot about our inner fears and desires. 
"They allow us to reinvent ourselves—if only for the night. 
It’s permission to let your underside or dark side come out
We can release what we normally keep under wraps,”

Trust  me,
some of us really need to keep that under wraps!

I love the person riding the broom the wrong way!
on the left

Is it just me,
or are the most disturbing pictures
the ones with the 'normal' outfits but distorted faces?

And no,
I don't want to know what that says about me!

Thursday, October 23, 2014


There are things to be said - 
and they will be said imperfectly, 
of that I'm perfectly sure.

There have been articles of late which have stated
that opinions from people
who have been 'blessed' with 'white privilege' 
are invalid.
I reject that.

Every person is formed, 
and informed, 
by circumstances over which they have no control;
gender, race and family of origin among them.

Yet, if all lives matter -
and I believe they do -
then all opinions matter as well.
We'll never make progress toward seeing each other as whole persons 
unless we hear the experiences and concerns 
being expressed by all
and recognize their validity;
not necessarily as 'the truth'
but as perceptions of their own reality -
which, of course,
is all we can really offer each other anyway.
if by 'white privilege'
you mean
being from a family as broken and dysfunctional
as any found in any 'minority' community, 
then, yes, I was 'privileged'.

If you mean
being the first one in my family to ever go to college
and having to work multiple jobs
to pay for it myself,
then, yes, I was 'privileged'.

If you mean
being left by a husband when I was 2 months postpartum 
and having to raise two children on my own;
being their sole support, 
with no extended family assistance, 
either emotional or financial,
then, yes, I was 'privileged'.

And, oddly enough,
I consider that I was....
because as a single mother, 
I was able to buy a house,
have a stable, though difficult, job
and raise two terrific kids
with help from God 
and a faith community 
who became our family.

I recognize that not all my sisters
who are parenting singly
can do that.
I was privileged.

Just know that "white privilege' doesn't look the same on everyone,
any more than 'being black' is a homogeneous experience.
But there's no denying I'm white.
I come from a family so pigmentally challenged
we're about two standard deviations away from being albino.
We're practically neon!

(Except for my Native American great grandmother, on the far left; 
and, btw, if anyone wants to talk about the governments overt and explicit attempt 
to exterminate a whole race of people,  
just talk to any Native American!)
Despite closing my eyes 
and refusing to see what was going on in the picture above,
I more than made up for it in my later years;

here are some of my recent observations, 
for what they're worth.
In 35 years of working in a pediatric hospital emergency room,
I never once had a police dispatcher ask,
when I called 911,
what race a child was,
before sending an Officer over
to assist in protecting a mom
or her children.
I've seen men and women, 
of all colors,
 spit on, attacked, called vile names and hated
just because they wore a blue uniform.

I've seen those same people in blue
protect those same people who just cursed them 
with their previous breath
when they cried for protection from an attacker 
with their next breath.
I've stood as silent witness 
at countless death bed scenes
over the bodies of black teenagers;
their bodies covered with gang tattoos
and riddled with bullets 
as family members denied,
with every breath they took, 
that their child had been involved in 'the street life'.

I'm not saying these kids weren't worthy of being loved or mourned
by their families no matter what lifestyle they had adopted.

I'm saying that until a community acknowledges that it's losing its young 
to a life that embraces violence and guns,
 it won't have a prayer of changing that reality.
I'm also asking why a black life is more worthy of being lamented
 when its ended by a white person in blue
than when its taken by any other person
of any other color?
For the past 4 decades, 
I have loved people whose skin tone is not the same as mine.

They are family;
they are perfectly wonderful 
and they are as flawed and broken as any of us.

That has nothing to do with the condition of their skin;
it has to do with our shared human condition.
And when one of our own made destructive choices 
that earned him a sentence in prison for armed robbery,
I never once heard family blame it on the pigment in his skin.

Poor impulse control, 
a distorted need to belong to something larger than himself,
naivete and loyalty to those unworthy of it - 
Skin tone - 

We didn't stop loving him;
family didn't stop worrying about him in prison for 7 long years;
family didn't do everything they could to give him different options when he got out
 but we refused to be blinded by that love
as to what his realities had been and were.
I've also heard those same beloved family members talk about being bullied 
for being different;
not by white kids, but by other black kids -
for 'not being black enough' -
for caring about grades, 
for studying, 
for speaking correctly,
for being on the swim team,
for not 'dressing ghetto'...
for refusing to be placed in a box
every bit as confining and oppressive 
as anything the 'white community' could impose on them. 
I feel I have skin in the game.
Do I want all  'the littles' in my family to have the same chance of returning home safely 
when they go out at night 
or are walking home from school
or to the store?
 Of course!

But, at what point do people take responsibility 
for their own choices;
to bear the consequences
of their own behavior?
I'm hearing a lot about 'rights' during these protests
and next to nothing
about the responsibilities that come along with them -
like voting,
taking advantage of a free education,
getting a job,
paying taxes -
you know, the things most of us with 'privilege' do!

To say you can't get ahead
or can't make something out of your life
because of the color of your skin
feels like slap in the face to every one who has!
If you chose to live outside the norms,
if you chose to break the law,
if you use the threat of your size and strength to steal something,
aren't you, at least,
in part,
responsible for what happens
as a result?
One of the folks recently arrested in Ferguson was Dr Cornel West,
reportedly a learned and influential man regarding race relations in America.
I'll admit, I'd never heard of him
 but my son tells me he's a big deal.

I heard him quoted as saying he didn't come to Ferguson to give a speech,
he came here to go to jail.
Which to me,
means he came with intent to provoke and to escalate
whatever situation he found himself in;
he came with the intent to break the law,
to push the police into a confrontation;
to entrap them.

To me,
that doesn't make him a leader, a hero,
or a big deal;
it makes him a fool.

What exactly does that accomplish?
It says nothing about either the law
or those who enforce it;
it does, however, say a lot say
about his judgment and decision making capabilities.

So he spent a few hours in lock up,
so what?
to what end? -
other than padding his own resume
for having 'been in Ferguson'.
A few of my ordained friends,
clergy I know to be good and faithful servants,
have also been consumed by the recent activity in Ferguson.

I have no reason to question the sincerity of their motives.
I believe them when they say they want to be support
for people they feel have been disenfranchised.

I spent my whole career doing the same thing for children.
I get it.

But I do question their judgement about some of the pictures they posted
when they were arrested.
(I mean, if you had your cell phone with you in lock up,
how bad could it have been?)

I was appalled when I heard that, before their arrests,
 they approached police,
as they stood doing their jobs
in the face of unrelenting hostility,
and asked them to repent for being part of a broken system.

How arrogant and superior that seems, to me.

Not that aspects of the system aren't broken,
but please tell me you also issued the same call to repentance to the protesters;
please tell me self examination is not an activity exclusively reserved for any one group.

And then please tell me
you never intend to call 911
next time you're being threatened
and need help.

Why would you want to use a broken system?
I'm not saying police can do no wrong,
but I lean to the side of being willing
to give the benefit of the doubt
to someone who gets up everyday,
wanting to make the world a safer, better place,
walks out the door -
to face God knows what
during a 12 hour shift -
 and is
willing to take a bullet for me.
I think confusion,
and I'll admit it,
 about motivation
is at the heart of my conflicting feelings
about recent events.

I know what motivates most police officers.
I've stood side by side with many of them in the ER;
all of us trying our damnedest,
in the face of pretty terrible odds
and at personal risk,
to protect the most vulnerable.

I can't say that concern for the common good,
rather than self interest or self aggrandizement,
 is what's motivating the protesters.

One of the complaints coming out of the protests in Ferguson
has been that the police force
doesn't reflect the racial makeup of community.

Not only is it naive to think that a force that reflects the general community
magically has a better ability
to police said community.
(Just look at East St Louis, IL 
with its all black force
where even IL State Police won't go in after midnight
to disprove THAT notion)
but, at this point,
who in their right mind would even consider police work,
no matter what color they are?!
Everyone is a self appointed expert at your job;
everyone can do it better than you
and everyone is your self appointed supervisor -
all from the safety of their couches -
and all in hindsight!
This whole situation feels crazy to me;
and you just know
its going to get uglier and crazier
before its over!

God help us all.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014


From ghoulies and ghosties 
and long leggety beasties 
and things that go bump in the night, 
Good Lord, deliver us!
I can remember, at some point, telling my children 
that Halloween was nothing more than a cultural observance
designed to help us deal with everything that frightened us.

I could tell, from their eye rolls, snickers and sidelong glances,
that they didn't appreciate my psychodynamically driven interpretation -
true as it was.

Given the truth that resides in that statement,
I think this year, 
we should probably celebrate Halloween 
for the next 10 days!
I'm not sure what combination 
of being retired, 
having more time at home 
and having been away from this country
and mass media
 for 2 months
has been at play,
but the constant barrage of a 24 hour new cycle 
with the unrelenting voices of fear mongering 
has been unbearable to me lately.

Even limiting input from TV and print media doesn't completely erase exposure;
even through just Facebook, you're faced with
 all that is portrayed on a daily basis as imminent dangers; 
the wording purposefully used
to instill, create and foster fear of 'the other'...

The unrest in Ferguson 
with threats of more violence
if a specific outcome of the investigation 
is not determined, 
the specter of Ebola, 
'permeable' borders 'ripe for invasion'...

makes me almost miss the 'old days'
of worrying about the Cold War with Russia 
and a martian invasion.
This fear of the unknown,
of the uncontrollable,
of what may be coming next,
is, of course,
nothing new.
It's ancient -
and so are our attempts to master it ,
thereby regaining control.

So here's to Halloween -
and here's to all of us
who refuse to live our lives
based on fear!

I know there's plenty of us out there -
we just have to continue to stick together!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Winner, winner, chicken dinner

I got second prize in the limerick contest!
(I was robbed I tell you!)
MY limerick was much better 
than the one that took first place - 
NOT that I'm bitter!

These items 
will be on their way to my house 
later this week!


LOVE party animals!

Playing dress up

I'll be honest...

as much as my house looks like Halloween threw up in it,
I'm NOT a big one 
for getting dressed up in costumes!

I've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on therapy 
in an effort to STOP pretending 
to be someone I'm not.

Halloween feels counterproductive
to those efforts.

when a friend asks you to a Fall fundraiser at her church -
a Trivia night -
why wouldn't I say 'Yes'?

I never dreamed it was a costume Trivia night - 
say WHAT?

Our table was themed as Zombie Pirates!
WhAt the wHaT?

Good grief!

Luckily, I have adult sons 
who frequently don outfits and assume alter egos...
trust me, 
I don't ask for details!

But a phone call
and drop off later - 
I was set!

I no longer fear a zombie apocalypse - 
as I actually prefer a 'smoky eye' for evening;

wearing it all the time would be no problem at all!

Trivia nights are SO humbling, aren't they?
Makes you realize how many things you're NOT paying attention to!
(We got 1 answer right in the sport category - 
frankly I was surprised we got any!)

Our table was comfortably average 
in the total number we got right,
but the food was wonderful
and the companionship even better -
so the evening was a total win!

 Only at a church Trivia night, 
would a couple show up as Psalm 23 - 
Thy Rod and Thy Staff!
(insert groan here!)

I even won a Silent Auction item - 
a picnic for 10 at a friends farm!
Can't wait to claim THAT prize!
There will be serious girl time and wine involved!
(and, of course, pictures.)

A lovely weekend to be sure.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Everything's up to date in Kansas City...

and every fountain is blue - 
in honor of the Royals!

It was so endearing 
to see how excited everyone in KC is to be in the World Series.

The Cardinals are in the playoffs SO often, 
we tend to be jaded on this side of the state...
not so much
on the west side of MO.
The last time they saw post season play was in the mid 90's!

I made a quick midweek trip to see my son in KC and
take in an exhibit at the Nelson on the Plains Indians.

It couldn't have been more perfect!

The exhibit, 
Plains Indians, artists of earth and sky,
was fabulous!
It will be up until Jan 11th, so there's still time for you to see it!

Many of the objects displayed, 
both ancient and contemporary,
 haven't ever been seen in the US;
they were collected by Europeans and only shown overseas.

 I loved this spirit bag,
used by a medicine man,

 a beaded belt and household objects 
which would have been used by a young girl,

 this Ghost Dance drum,

 exquisite beadwork,

a contemporary Lakota star quilt
 and a collage tribute to the massacre and battles at Wounded Knee.

I was also able to see some new works of Mikes

and stay with him in his studio/loft - 
always better than staying in a hotel!

Nothing I love more than being with one of my favorite people,
seeing his world 
and feeling all the energy that surrounds him every day.

Oh yeah -
and eating great food
 and junking...

 Like I said;
it couldn't have been better!