Sunday, September 14, 2014

I need to remember that it took less than 3 hours.

I testified last week;
well, gave a deposition which is as close as...

its under oath, 
there's a defense attorney whose job is to question everything you did and said 
or didn't do or didn't say;
anything to make you feel as much of an idiot as he can 
in the shortest period of time.

The good news? 
Since my ego isn't closely tied to my job anymore,
I didn't care what he thought about the job I had done, 
so his baiting didn't work.

The bad news?
Just reviewing the chart, 
re-immersing myself in the pathology
remembering the kind of situations I worked with
triggered a headache which has lasted for 4 days.

Note to self:
whenever you miss the financial security 
the hospital offered,
remember the price you paid for that check...
and be glad you got out.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Weighing in ...

No, not that
(that's all going fine, thank you very much!)
I mean on the whole Ray Rice,
wife beater thing.

Y'all know I've been taking the high road;
avoiding any thing related to my former life.
But this latest debacle has me puzzled.

Don't get me wrong.
I abhor domestic violence.
I don't care if its spouse abuse OR child abuse;
its the same thing
for the same reason.

Its about power,
not love;
about intimidation,
not intimacy.
And it's always wrong.
Keep your damn hands to yourself.
Use your words.

I think his wife is an idiot for staying with him and thinking it will never happen again.
she isn't the first to deceive herself and stay with an abuser;
she sure as hell won't be the last either.

No, what puzzles me is what that has to do with his job?
He gets paid to tackle people on the football field.
Is he doing that well -  or not?

What does his private life have to do with his job performance?

I don't care at what point the NFL got the videotapes;
it's not your employers job to be conducting investigations
into what you do in your non-work time.

Do we really want to go there?
With our bosses spying into how we spend our private time?

I've taken plenty of histories from families of
judges, attorneys, shop clerks, teachers, priests, salesmen, and truck drivers -
all of whom have been subsequently charged with some form of domestic violence.
Not one of them lost their jobs because of it.

WHY are football players held to a different standard?

and another question -

Like I said;
I'm puzzled.

Friday, September 12, 2014

I'm working on it...

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clean?

Can you remain unmoving 
till the right action arises by itself?

Tao Te Ching

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

It's all in who you know...

I recently saw this image on a friends Facebookpage -
and fell totally in love with the combination of
 backdrop, books and retro chair.

So I instantly messaged her
since I was in desperate need 
of a photo for a job application -

and Voila!

Best application photos EVER!

Even the black and white ones are great!

If you know me at all,
you know how much I HATE getting my picture taken!
 I'm SO glad I didn't have to resort to submitting a 'selfie'!
Almost don't care how the job possibility turns out -
I'm already coming out ahead!

Thank God for talented, generous friends!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Its not ALL waiting...

Its not like I'm expecting
a sign to fall down from heaven telling me what to do or anything - 
although wouldn't THAT be helpful 
and convenient  - 
and scary as all get out!
I'm on the look out though, 
just in case!

I'm enjoying life,
sleeping with windows wide open,
the beginning of sweater weather
and all the street fairs that invite you
to come outside and celebrate
just how much creativity there is in the world - 
even if you didn't get a lick of it! 
Spent time wandering around at the Alternative Art Fair
at Schlafly Bottleworks...
wishing I was independently wealthy...

SO many artists whose works spoke to me.

I swear I could bring every one of her works home - 
as it was I only bought 2!

 Odd, I know... 
but consider who was buying it!

This one spoke to me of voyages and adventures 
being taken by creatures not fully formed -
or just newly hatched -
and what could be a better description of where I am 
right now!
It looks great right by my bed -
and makes me smile every time I see it.

This one evoked circuses and magic and fun -
and who couldn't use more of that in their lives, right?

I love them both!

This textile artist makes things from old sweaters
that she's repurposed and felted;
aren't they wonderful?

And THIS chick

While her jewelry was colorful and very appealing, 
it was her small wall sculptures that knocked me out.
She's just started creating them -
and doesn't have a website set up yet, 
but if you're interested, 
let me know and I'll shoot you her email.
I swear I could have a whole wall of these!

I did buy some jewelry - 
and it looks GREAT on a fall sweater!
Yup, it's already been inaugurated...
I don't buy stuff I don't use, ya know!
What a terrific afternoon!
Would have been better if I'd seen some of YOU there.
We could have swung by the antique malls nearby
on our way home.

Never mind,
I went without you!

I'd show you 'the smalls' I bought
but I'm turning them into Christmas presents -
and, if you play your cards right,
YOU might be getting one!

One of the stores is just open for the first 7 days of the month...
maybe THATS the kind of job I need!
While it might be a good idea,
I don't think it's a sign!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Patience - and paint

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart 
and try to love the questions themselves... 
do not now seek answers which cannot be given to you, 
because you would not be able to live them. 

And the point is to live everything. 
Live the questions now. 
Perhaps you will gradually, 
without noticing it, 
live along some distant day 
into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke

I appreciate the reality that if I magically had the answer 
to what to do with the rest of my life,
I might not be able to live into the reality -

So, I'm taking my time to live with the uncertainty,
talking to trusted friends about possibilities
and filling out applications
that could change my life.

I also painted the small hallway between my bedrooms and the kitchen -
small because my whole house is small -
think 'cottage or 'bungalow' -
and I LOVE the results!

What used to be dark green is now sunny yellow -
and it makes the piece of furniture and art work just 'pop'!
I've also been down to the Floodwalls 
to see the result of the latest 'Paint St Louis".

I love the Floodwalls.
I've shown you images before (here),
used them as backdrops for friends celebrating a pregnancy

and seen them used for my sons wedding.
So my hopes were high when I headed down yesterday.
Sad to say, those hopes were dashed.

There was color,
there were figures -
but the sense of fun and humor was missing.

The paintings seemed to ALL be done by perpetually adolescent artists,
I suspect all male!

 It seemed to be more about getting their names out
than about the art.

I can only hope that the graffiti artists who will paint over these -
and you know they will -
have a more developed sense of fun!

Oh well, 
there's always next year...
I just have to be patient!