Is this month over yet?

 It isn't just me, right?

January feels like it's a season unto itself

and not just a month!

 

It isn't the cold; I can do cold;

in fact, I seem to seek it out; 

I've somehow established a tradition of going 'Up North"

to see family in WI -

with a stop in Chicago along the way.

To see girls growing into young women -

who clearly are more intent on TicToc and Insta 

than conversing with the old people! 

In other words, perfectly normal kids.

At least one of them was paying attention ...

There's something uncluttered about rural WI that acts as a palate cleanser for me -

especially after the over stimulation of Christmas.

Something about the starkness and quietness that calms and soothes me.

Once the subzero temperatures let up a bit, walking in the Land Trust was even do-able.

Birches, creeks and snow cover are always a good combination.

Yet even a palate cleanser can't remove one from the reality of what else the month held ...

political nonsense and performative idiocy -

which will be the topic on another day;

a hospitalization that has resolved itself

with minimal trauma and anticipated good results.

There has even been time - dare I say - necessary time 

for artistic expression (also self care) in the form of what I'm calling

"Interior Landscapes" -

which, as always, don't have to mean anything to anyone other than myself.

 

I was able to use paper from my stash of National Geographic pages, 

altered with Citrasolv

which I tore and glued to 3" wooden circles.

Don't ask me why; it just seemed like the thing to do!

 

Then there was this - sent to me by a friend.

Hahahahaha ...

my biggest fear!

Not a chance!

Dream state?

 I want to hang on to every minute and every feeling associated with the dream - 

yet I know I won't.

 

I woke up wondering if I had died; 

curious if I was 'coming back' to my current reality 

or if I would be allowed to continue in the wonderful state I had just experienced.

 

The closest description I can come to is that 

I remembered what it was to not be embodied; 

to be part mist, part dust of the air, 

to have a full understanding and sense of me and who I was 

and yet be in a form that required absolutely no effort of movement 

or expenditure of energy; 

just being, 

while traveling through time and space on a molecular level; 

a part of everything that exists and that I saw, 

passing through everything and knowing a oneness with it all. 

The colors and landscapes with intensity on another level.

 

It felt like a state that existed for hours; 

gorgeous pain free and existence bending hours; 

it wasn't until I came back into my body and noticed the heaviness and pain in my legs 

that I realized I was leaving one state and entering a physical one once again. 

 

It was both heartbreaking and hopeful. 

I wondered if I had had a near death experience in my sleep .

.. and found myself wishing that that was indeed what dying would be like.

 

All I can say is that if you ever hear I've died in my sleep... 

be happy for me.

If it's anything like this, it was glorious.

New Year; new start - again

         Christmas has been packed away;

a strep infection laid me low,

days have been grey and dreary;

so, when the sun peaked out

on the same day that I finished my medication,

I took the first opportunity to go for a short drive to hear trickling water 

and walk around on some trails in stillness and peace. 

I was the only one in the park -

and it was heavenly.

Here's to more days like this!