Quilted Woman

 Early on in my journey as a single parent, 

there were many nights of loneliness, fear and even desperation.

 

One particularly bad night 

I was crying outside on the deck 

after my sons were in bed.

The years of struggle seemed to stretch ahead endlessly

and I was overwhelmed with being the sole provider for two other human beings,

with ZERO fall back support. 

 

I had never felt so frightened or alone. 

Suicide was a tempting option 

but leaving my sons to fend for themselves was not. 

 

All at once, 

everything stilled, 

as if the world had been placed on mute;

and I was totally enveloped by what felt like a cloud of grey flannel,

a weighted blanket 

decades before there was such a thing. 

 

My tears stopped,

my breathing  calmed

and, within that muted cloud, 

I knew in the very marrow of my being

that we would be alright; 

there would be hard times, no doubt,

but we were going to get through it.

 

I have no idea how long I was held within that cloud. 

Time seemed suspended;

it could have been minutes or hours.

All I knew is that when I returned to the present, I was changed.

I had hope.

 

Fast forward several decades and, 

when I recently saw this  "Quilted Woman" painting

by an artist I know, (Susan Schmitt),

it immediately felt familiar. 

I recognized myself;

 although decades removed from active parenting 

and now on the far side 

of that powerful night so long ago. 

 

Only now, 

 I was no longer enveloped in a grey flannel cloud, 

I was instead embraced by a beautiful rich tapestry

of color, experiences, friendships and memories;

that had sustained us;

there I was,

still trusting that no matter what comes next,

we will be okay. 

 

This particular Quilted Woman is holding a cord or ribbon 

in her right hand

and it immediately reminded me 

of images of babies in utereo, holding their umbilical cord.

 

The womb like shape of the quilt also made me wonder 

if what we see as 'old age" 

is merely us being ushered to a new phase of life through death.

 

(Looking at other 'Quilted Women" in the artist's series, 

I couldn't find any other figure presented with this pose. )

For the record,

I have NO idea if any of these thoughts were present 

to the artist while she was painting; 

but, as my son (who is a painter) has said 

"It doesn't matter what the artist was thinking or feeling,

what do YOU see?"

 

It is now MY painting.

I'm delighted she's home.

I love seeing her everyday; 

there's always so much to think about 

and remember when I see her.

 

(Apologies for the reflection/glare;

it was hard to get an image without it once it was hung) 

 

Check out more work from this wonderful artist by visiting her website:

https://www.susanschmittart.com

You won't be disappointed.

 

 

Happy Easter

A friend shared his preparations for Easter with me - 

and, while not surprised,

I was floored by how beautiful it was.

I did NOT color eggs.

 

I took cypress spurge from the garden,

placed it in a happy vase -

and watched it die within 30minutes.

The chartreuse flower was too perfect a match with the vase base

to ignore; although I DO remember that it's not a great cut flower.

 

Oh well... live and learn.

 

I read.

I relaxed.

I did some preparation for church tomorrow.

 

I self reflected. 

I'm ready for 

celebrating my granddaughters birthday,

planning a trip to WI/northern IL,

planning a trip to NM to see the White Sands (and Taos)

and rearranging my back deck,

 

All things great and small.

 

However you're planning to spend the day - enjoy! 

I AM eager top share new art work with  you but that will have to wait for a bit.

Stay tuned. 

Reset continues - even in the rain

 AKA the best laid plans ...

 A friend and I planned to go tip toe through the tulips - 

well, as gracefully as one can tip toe with a cane!

 

Luckily my stealth skills were NOT put to the test -

since, on the assigned day,

it POURED!

 

Could we have rescheduled?

Maybe, but when flowers bloom, 

one good wind storm, more rain etc

and you've missed the window for the year.

Besides, both of us working in healthcare for 4 decades, 

made us flexible -

crazy but flexible.

 

So we trudged on...

and enjoyed the heck out of the tulips planted in planters

from the parking lot to the restaurant. 

(instead of the 4 acre fields, accessible only by open air wagons, 

which weren't operating anyway because of the rain. )

 

And, I'm SO glad we did.

It was glorious.

All of which is to say, don't change plans just because of rain.

 

Besides, rain doesn't find you inside while you're eating lunch

or stocking up on carrot cake muffins! 

 

Whether your time this weekend focuses on the secular 

or the spiritual

make it a good one!

 

Keep searching for the beauty -

even it's small. 

 

Peeps 2026

 Another thing that helped with my frame of mind reset is that it's Lent - 

which means that Peeps have taken their rightful place.

 Without further adieu,

here is a selection from this years offering.

 

Enjoy!

Reset

 I wouldn't presume to speak for anyone else;

but, as this is MY blog,

I don't have to;

this is me -

and I am feeling MUCH better.

I think I've had a massive reset -

in part because of the sunnier weather

(although going from 90's - 40's x2  in the past 2 weeks hasn't been ideal);

but also because there are signs of new life EVERYWHERE

which is always wonderful to see;

and not just because my RA and smoldering myeloma are under control at the moment

which makes getting around easier.

 I think it's more than that. 

 

It was definitely helped by the No Kings March this weekend;

being surrounded by thousands of like minded citizens who are also 

appalled at what the current regime is doing to our country -

and the world -

was extremely gratifying. 

(Look at this guy - 

I felt like I was protesting next to Gov Tim Walz! )

I recently experimented with a new form of protesting-

the Singing Resistance -

have you heard of it?

 

My contention has long been that this movement 

needs a better sound track.

 

I've scoured the playlists on a music app we all probably use

and have compiled a collection that I listen to non-stop while I'm driving

so, when I saw a post to meet with other folks and sing, 

I was in!

 It was a lovely experience -

and totally NOT for me.

It's based on inclusion, love and community -

what's not to like about that, right?

 

The singers were mostly women my age;

the tunes, most call and response, were easy to follow 

with lyrics I couldn't argue with ...

but, on the whole, it was a bit too Kumbaya for me. 

 

I'm just not there.

(You should listen to the KC N Kind and LoFi Plum

for what I'm listening to) 

 

I'm here 

It's good to know your lane, right?

The other thing that helped me 'reset'

was a historical reminder.

 

Nazi Germany had a population of roughly 79 million people.

The current US population is over 340 million.

 Nazi Germany was also geographically smaller than the size of Montana. 

 

It seems to me, 

it was far easier to convince a geographically condensed country

with a more heterogeneous population

of a political ideology that was repugnant

than it will be in a country as vast and as diverse as ours.

 

The malignant individualism that I have railed against before as a common thread in our country

might actually turn out to be a saving feature in our current reality.   

You can disagree -

just don't burst my bubble of a reset quite yet.

It's a nice place to visit.