Some thoughts

 because we've all got them!

 

Unless you've been on a social media cleanse 

and off all devices this week

 

(and good for you, keep it up!) 

 

I know you've heard about an event

at Cornell University;

 an event that took place 2 years ago.

 

A civil lawsuit was filed this week by Jane Doe 

for damages as a result of a gang rape 

at a fraternity house

in October 2024.

 

7 guys actively participated in the rape, debasement and forced drug use of a young female

when she accepted an offer

FROM A FRIEND

to come to his frat house to hang out.

 

There are reports that she had already been served 10 shots of vodka

at her own residence before going to another venue.

(I'm sorry, but you'd have to have the body and metabolism of a linebacker

to absorb and deal with that amount of alcohol! 

And, as infuriating as it is to bring that reality up,

if you think that won't be a bone of contention about HER conduct

in a trial setting 

then you're being terribly naive.) 

 

 While she was there,

a group chat went out to other members of the fraternity

informing them that "free pussy" was available upstairs  -

 

and NOT ONE of the recipients on that chat

expressed any qualms, hesitation, condemnation or objection

to either the lawfulness or morality of what was being done. 

 

No one contacted either campus security or law enforcement.

 

 As most of you know,

I was a child abuse social worker in a pediatric ER 

in an urban hospital in the Midwest for decades.

 

I have heard literally thousands of disclosures 

of sexual abuse and rape

during that time. 

 

I know the outrage,

the desire for revenge,

for "justice",

for some form of accountability 

for those who perpetrate

such offenses. 

 

I am also fairly familiar with the judicial system

and I feel confident in predicting 

that, despite all the current media coverage;

all the emails  and calls 

to whatever Cornell Administrator and Ithaca County DA

dropped the ball,

multiple times;

all the outrage and doxing of the identified perpetrators 

at their current jobs and positions;

whatever the results of the lawsuit are

(and I certainly hope she walks away with a HUGE monetary settlement),

 but I can guarantee 

the ultimate results will be unsatisfactory 

for all involved. 

 

This is a CIVIL case.

There have been NO criminal charges filed yet -

and, while that might change with further investigation,

it hasn't happened so far.

 

There has also been NO mention in the sources I've seen 

as to whether a rape kit or forensic physical exam was done in an ER

after the event for evidence collection.

(Not everyone thinks of this which is totally understandable 

but it does makes "evidence " that can be used at trial difficult.)

 

 Actually, and ironically, it may be that the "essays' they had to write 

will be the best evidence to use against them.

 

The defense attorneys job for these men  (for which he/she will get paid BIG bucks)

will be to sow 'reasonable doubt '

which sadly will include attacks on the victims credibility.

 

("You said in your original police report that you were digitally penetrated by the fingers on his left hand... but in the scenario you just described, it couldn't have been his left hand because you said he was holding his phone with that hand... was it his right hand? 

Maybe it was someone else's fingers altogether?" )

 

Cross examination is a grueling experience for any victim,

let alone one who has garnered so much attention. 

 

For the thousands of histories of sexual abuse that I was entrusted with,

I can count on both hands the number of times the perpetrators were found guilty

and sentenced.

 

Even then, 

for the survivors, 

for their families , 

for the pain and heartache of living through that experience

over and over  -

and being judged for it 

by themselves and others -

over and over,

the equation never came out in their favor.

 

Justice is simply NOT restorative,

for most of the families I'm aware of. 

 

 

Despite all the legal gymnastics that will go on,

no matter what the outcome of a civil or criminal case,

be it for 7 or 57 men...

 

does Jane Doe go back to being who she was before that frat party? 

 

Will her body forget the physical sensations of being drugged and repeatedly violated? 

 

Will she go back to being a self who believed she could meet and spend time with a friend

on a gorgeous fall evening in a protected environment of privilege and learning?

 

Will her ability to trust her judgments about who she can trust be restored? 

 

And sure,

maybe the outrage will lead to some systemic University change...

maybe coverage will make it easier for the victim at a fraternity party this weekend 

to come forward...

 but color me skeptical.

 

I'm left with one question that I can't get out of my head...

Has there EVER been a period in recorded human history 

 in which men have NOT used their penises as weapons of control? 

 

 

This is not to say that change can't happen;

but lets not ignore the magnitude of what we're up against. 

 

 

 

The start of the fall

 Oddly enough, this will NOT be a political post,

despite how the title could be interpreted.

 

And, while there's MUCH to be said about the politicalness 

of this current time we're living in, 

I'll save that for another day.

 

 There's no denying that the world feels heavy to me these days -

both because of and in spite of 

all that goes on politically. 

 

And, yes, I still am actively seeking,

and finding,

glimmers of hope daily.

But I need to acknowledge another reality as well.

I've written before about having RA 

and one of the medications I take to keep that under control has,

as a side effect,

an increase in the prevalence of skin cancers.

 

Combine that with my love of baking in the sun,

(aka 'tanning') 

on multiple beaches around the world, 

(I know, lucky me, right?!) 

as well as a cultural lack of understanding about the dangers of said activity

and subsequent dearth of available sunscreen

in ages past,

and I'm a PERFECT candidate for cancers,

large and small,

all over my body.

 

All of which is to say,

that, now in my 70's,  

my MOUS surgeon and my dermatologist 

are my new best friends.

 

Because of how many procedures I've had on my face -

and how many more they can see as potential problem areas,

it was recommended that I have 'blue light therapy'.

 

Medication is applied to your face,

you sit and let it soak into your pores for an hour

and then you're placed in a light box for 16 " and 4 seconds.

Oddly specific, I know. 

The brochure described it as a painless procedure,

so I agreed to the recommended series of 3.

I've had 1.

 

Let me say that the brochure was correct -

the PROCEDURE is painless.

 

What it fails to say  however is that you are left with second degree burns, 

blistering, throbbing sores for days afterwards...

and that that's an expected part of the process.

 

That may have been in the fine print but I didn't see THAT at all.

(Now I DID have eye surgery the week after the procedure 

for removal of a shadow cataract, so maybe I missed it)

but it was quite a shock.

Take the worst sunburn you've ever had and multiply it by 5.

And, lucky me, I get to do this two more times.

I'm hoping - since the first layer of skin has been sloughed off  -

that each subsequent treatment gets easier.

I'll keep you posted.

 

It was almost as much fun as having 15 precancerous lesions 

frozen off the top of my feet and lower legs! 

(Consequences of living in sandals year round, 

except for during blizzards -

and then I just add socks!)

Only partially kidding) 

Pain free days have been hard to come by over here.

 

Not quite the 'golden years'  I envisioned

but it is what it is.

 

At least, since I could barely walk

and I was afraid of scaring young children at the grocery store,

I stayed in and played creatively with junk from drawers.

 

Seemed appropriate!

 

St Louis Floodwalls and Paint St Louis 2026

 One of my favorite traditions in St Louis happens on Labor Day weekend;

Paint St Louis -

when street artists from around the country 

come to  brighten up the concrete floodwalls 

along the riverfront. 

 

Those efforts transform a dreary, though necessary, urban landscape

into a colorful, free for all to see, art gallery.

I love the creativity talent and results!

 

See what you think!

Since many urban street artists are young males,

there are certainly images that speak to that demographic.

However, as someone who can't realistically draw a paperbag,

I recognize that talent is talent, 

especially at this scale. 

Always worth the drive to see them!

Get down there, if you can! 

The love fest continues

If you think this looks like an engagement picture,

you're not far off! 

I continue to be surprised by how much I'm enjoying being a cat mom ...

DECADES of having big dogs (50-100 lbs)

led me to believe that's essentially who I am;

evidence to the contrary.

 

 Here I am with our first cat (Thaddeus) in 1972.

I was about to start graduate school,

it was an ill advised foray into dark hair

and the last time I had 'long hair'. 

Serendipity and Ingrid followed Thaddeus ...

but Fiona is the first cat I honestly remember 

having such an emotional attachment to.

I suspect she's got a hugh DNA component of Russian Blue

which makes her look so striking.

We're a good match temperamentally -

she's independent and affectionate, 

without being clinging and needy.

 

She sleeps on my bed every night

but has only jumped in my lap once for daytime snuggles.

 

From some of her behaviors,

I suspect she may have been feral for awhile -

but I've tried not to psychoanalyze her too much

and just accept where and who she is now. 

Since she has to do that for me, it's the least I can do for her!

 

There's certainly much about this summer that has been very sweet! 

 

There's also been more MOHS surgery

(think there's frequent flyer miles??) 

I'm trying to re-conceptualize all my procedures as a face life in stages!

 

I must say 

I find it fascinating that the same process responsible for the creation of life

(cells dividing and multiplying) 

can be SO problematic at a different stage of life. 

 

Hanging onto the sweet, 

hoping the creative returns at some point ...

 

and trying to enjoy what remains of the summer.