Respite

 True story.

 

Hard for all of us, not just moms!

But there comes a time

when it's time to get on with your 'regular' lives,

no matter how hard;

that time came -

and I drove away from the end of the lane in Taos 

for a brief respite.

 

I'll return in a few weeks when a final surgery is scheduled 

to remove all the hardware from my sons mouth.

 

In the meantime, I left him stocked with Ensure and Boost;

I'm available by cell phone anytime -

and, if needed, I can drive back sooner.

By "regular" lives, I, of course, mean 

taxes,

Nanny time 

and some much needed downtime 

playing with paper and making collages!

Seems being vigilant is still on my mind!

That's what respites are for, right?

I'm still here, though I'll be laying low for a time.

I'll come out when I'm rested!

Barriers

 It's occurred to me in the past few days that there are 2 major obstacles 

which are making adjustment to my sons current diagnosis 

and treatment difficult to take - 

both emotionally and physically -

for him as well as for me.

 

One is that for all the advances Western medicine has made in the recent past,

the treatment for a fractured jaw remains quite barbaric.

 I doubt it's just my sons case 

or the fact that his jaw was fractured in three places

which leads me to this conclusion;

the insertion of metal plates into a persons gums,

interspersed with metal brackets installed on every tooth 

through which wire is woven to create a metal barrier 

resembling a chicken wire fence is awful.

 

While the illustration above is bad enough, 

my son also has wires running horizontally as well as vertically

so his mouth hardware resembles a fine mesh handheld strainer.

Nothing except fluid of clear liquid consistency can get in - or out.

Add to that all the warnings about not being alone -

and carrying a scissors with you at all times -

 in case the wire has to be cut if you start choking and

it's enough to give you anxiety in and of itself.

Then 'they' give you oral antiseptic 'wash' 

which you're supposed to get passed the barrier three times a day,

swish in your mouth and then spit out;

said fluid which increases the production of saliva

which drips down the back of your throat, 

especially when sleeping,

so you wake up frequently coughing -

feeling like you're choking!

 

The anxiety that goes along with all of this cannot be understated.

And it's that anxiety about being alone -

with the potential for a fatal outcome -

that is obstacle number two.

There are few situations in which ones "aloneness" is emphasized more-

or with more dire consequences for the same-

than this diagnosis.

My son and I have each been comfortably single for a long time.

It's not what either of us consciously chose; 

it just happened and 

we've each learned to live with it

and have adapted to our circumstances very well.

 

While I'm content to spend my remaining days in solitary pursuits,

he still has hopes of finding someone with whom to share his life.

 

With the exception of the occasional invitation to a wedding, with a plus one,

for which you momentarily realize there is no PLUS ONE,

there are few times when I dwell on, or think about, my single status.

 

This diagnosis however reinforces on a frequent basis

that if you are alone, it's dangerous

and you shouldn't, under any circumstances, stay that way!

 

And that's a bitter pill for both of us to swallow;

on a visceral and cellular level.

After years of convincing ourselves that we're more than FINE by ourselves,

we now have to adjust to someone else determining that this line of thinking was wrong

and dangerous.

 

Granted that isn't the intent, 

but it is the outcome and implication.

 

Big feelings, hard choices 

and lots of wrestling with issues which we thought were settled long ago.

Two independent adults, used to being alone -

by temperament, and reinforced by isolation of a global pandemic for 2 years -

now sharing basically the same 4 rooms, 24/7,

and, all things considered,

I'd say we're fucking rock stars!

 

But easy?

Nope, wouldn't say that.

 

Keep those prayers and positive vibes coming our way!

 We're not quite halfway through.

Patience

 IS a virtue and IS elusive, for some of us, anyway.

 

How poor are they that have not patience!

What wound did ever heal but by degrees? 

Wm Shakespeare 

 

I was amazed at the family resemblance yesterday between

my son and WM Shakespeare - 

at least as portrayed by Staffordshire on one of their Toby mugs;

a relic from my mothers home which found its way to my sons. 

 We're both finding our way;

trying to get a schedule of pain meds, sleeping and 'eating', 

or should I say 'drinking',

that works to keep discomfort, starvation, dehydration and going stir crazy at bay.

The difficulty lies in the reality that what works one day

doesn't seem to carry over to the next.

This need for constant monitoring and readjusting keeps one of your toes, for sure.

 

 Parenting someone who is a full blown adult is also a tricky proposition

under the best of circumstances;

unrelenting pain, 

adjustments in perceptions of self,

dietary restrictions on a massive level

and being homebound is NOT

the best of circumstances.

I think both of us are working hard to make this work.

He knows he needs help;

I know this is where I need to be right now - 

and this is NOT a long term arrangement;

there is an end coming.

We just need to be patient.

Luckily, Taos couldn't be a prettier location in which to spend some time -

and end of winter/hint of spring is a gorgeous time

with volatile weather that also keeps you on your toes

with its changeability.

I must also say that its wonderful to see new sights

while doing chores as simple as grocery shopping;

new street art and buildings which look nothing like the ones at home.

I also found a used book store 

 and was able to buy several magazines

that allowed me to make some small collages

(on 3x5 index cards);

just enough to exercise my creativity.

I'm here; not going anywhere.

 

Life: Embrace it all,

but wear boots;

at some point, you'll need to kick some ass.

Wired: a whole different set of skills

 

Just so you know_

sacrifices  are being made.

 

 

No one is prepared when their number comes up.

 

Taking it day by day.

Hoping to be proven wrong!