Those tremors you feel?

Not earthquakes in Oakland, 

not the earth cleaving and spewing molten lava in Hawaii, 

not Teutonic plates shifting from fracking in Oklahoma… 

nope, this is from millions of us who were raised in dysfunctional families 

shaking our heads, practically in unison, 

in familiarity and disbelief, 

as we watch the unfolding spectacle 

of Meghan Markel’s family acting the fool 

just days before her wedding.

Headlines changing by the hour:
“Will her father walk her down the aisle?”
“Father bows out of wedding. Queen annoyed”
“Father now wants to walk her down the aisle again”.

Many of us are having sympathy pains and flashbacks 

to our own nuptial nightmares.

Our excitement and anticipation in watching the spectacle in England 

now covered in a sheen of cold sweat 

over exactly what kind of spectacle we might be seeing.

We’ve been there;

 with the drama right up until - and in some cases through – 

OUR big day.  

Every family’s pathology comes with no end of pot stirrers; 

folks who have no use for drama not of their own making. 

And, with wicked, hateful step siblings throwing shade 

to an ineffective, largely absent father 

with (metaphorically and physically) a weak heart, 

this very modern American family seems to have it all!

If it helps to know, Meghan,

you’re not alone.

Millions of us know the humiliation of having our family’s pathology 

 splayed out for everyone to see.

We know the embarrassment of pissing off the family 

into which you’re marrying.

Yeah, I get that they’re famous 

but they have plenty of their own pathology. 

They’ve got enough money and multiple houses in which to hide out, 

so their dirty laundry is, at this very moment, 

not flying like freak flags across the garden,

but it's happened before - and no doubt will again.

 

Now is simply your time; 

nothing more, nothing less.

I vividly remember making wry predictions with my fiancee

about which parent would get drunk the fastest

 and embarrass us the most – 

 and desperately hoping it would be one of HIS.

(BTW, it was his!)

If it helps to know, Meghan, we’re rooting for you.

My advice?

Use your dads heart ailment as an excuse and have him sit this one out; 

quietly, in the pews – or better yet, back at home in Mexico.
Don’t give Griselda and Igor or whatever your siblings are called another thought.

There’s a reason why some of us aren’t close to our families of origin.

You DO get to pick who you share a life with, who you love – 

and you CAN chose ‘less toxically’ than the crew you inherited at birth.

In just a few more days, 

“The Firm” will help protect you even more 

from having to deal with the primordial ooze 

from which you ascended.

Hold your tiara up high and keep smiling!

You’ve got this!