Ghosts of Christmas pasts

 My sons father was born on Christmas Eve.

He died just a few months before his 40th birthday.

He had one brother, older by 6 years.

Recently, new 'old' slides were found and passed along to me for our sons.

Having parented two boys, also six years apart, 

there was such a universality and poignancy to these images;

they really moved me.

I also have found my own old photos of our earlier life together, 

when our oldest son was still a toddler.

A guitar playing fireman, to be exact.

No matter how well life is going,

how content I am in relationships in the here and now,

memories from days gone by are never far away at this time of year.

Am I the only one?

I even found a picture from our first Christmas together (1967).

Anyone else remember getting what would now be considered "really dressed up" for church 

and Christmas Eve celebrations?

 

1/3/24:

Actually, I stand corrected.

This picture was from 1968 -

Tom's 21st birthday.

We had gotten engaged 2 months earlier on my 19th birthday -

I know, I know ... different times; different expectations.

We were in New Jersey at my parents house for a few days

before returning to the Midwest - and our 'real lives'.

Funny to realize that my 'long hair' actually has historical precedence!

Meanwhile, Christmas 'present' is keeping me fairly busy.

Not gonna lie, 

I think my grands captured perfectly the ambivalence of the season!

Also have to admit that I'm LOVING the curls showing up in the little ones hair!

I know these are the quintessential grandma gifts, 

but I can't resist a good personalized ornament!

Since none of us can predict what Christmas 'future' holds, 

soak up all the joy and happiness you can now!

This one always cracks me up -

he's seen some things ...

and he's not saying anything about it!

Here we are

 

smack dab in the middle of the holiday season!

Seems like just yesterday, I was waiting for fall.

 

This year, the changes in my mobility have become more apparent;

it took me twice as long to get out the trees (even though I downsized to only 8;

it's not as grand as it sounds; the majority of them are small table top 'feather trees, but still all things that need to be carried up from the basement and set up.

I'm continually re-homing items that haven't made the cut for 2 years in a row -

and loving more dearly the things that do. 

 

By the time I'm "in the home", 

I should be content with 1 tabletop tree and a few Santas -but we'll see.  

Not there yet!

My favorite part of Advent is living in hope; 

believing that the best is 'coming soon'.

There's so much grief and pain in the world 

that it feels indulgent and self absorbed to choose to look for joy in the small moments.

 

I partially absolve myself with trying to stay informed 

as well as remembering that,

for 4 decades,

I was hip deep in all that pain.

 

It's OK to step back; maybe even necessary for ones mental health.

Seeing the season through the eyes of these two is also good for the soul.

Three parties down, four more to go...

enjoying it all while I can!

But wouldn't mind a dusting of snow, 

for atmosphere and to hunker down under the afghans and read.

Deeper thoughts coming soon.