Quilted Woman

 Early on in my journey as a single parent, 

there were many nights of loneliness, fear and even desperation.

 

One particularly bad night 

I was crying outside on the deck 

after my sons were in bed.

The years of struggle seemed to stretch ahead endlessly

and I was overwhelmed with being the sole provider for two other human beings,

with ZERO fall back support. 

 

I had never felt so frightened or alone. 

Suicide was a tempting option 

but leaving my sons to fend for themselves was not. 

 

All at once, 

everything stilled, 

as if the world had been placed on mute;

and I was totally enveloped by what felt like a cloud of grey flannel,

a weighted blanket 

decades before there was such a thing. 

 

My tears stopped,

my breathing  calmed

and, within that muted cloud, 

I knew in the very marrow of my being

that we would be alright; 

there would be hard times, no doubt,

but we were going to get through it.

 

I have no idea how long I was held within that cloud. 

Time seemed suspended;

it could have been minutes or hours.

All I knew is that when I returned to the present, I was changed.

I had hope.

 

Fast forward several decades and, 

when I recently saw this  "Quilted Woman" painting

by an artist I know, (Susan Schmitt),

it immediately felt familiar. 

I recognized myself;

 although decades removed from active parenting 

and now on the far side 

of that powerful night so long ago. 

 

Only now, 

 I was no longer enveloped in a grey flannel cloud, 

I was instead embraced by a beautiful rich tapestry

of color, experiences, friendships and memories;

that had sustained us;

there I was,

still trusting that no matter what comes next,

we will be okay. 

 

This particular Quilted Woman is holding a cord or ribbon 

in her right hand

and it immediately reminded me 

of images of babies in utereo, holding their umbilical cord.

 

The womb like shape of the quilt also made me wonder 

if what we see as 'old age" 

is merely us being ushered to a new phase of life through death.

 

(Looking at other 'Quilted Women" in the artist's series, 

I couldn't find any other figure presented with this pose. )

For the record,

I have NO idea if any of these thoughts were present 

to the artist while she was painting; 

but, as my son (who is a painter) has said 

"It doesn't matter what the artist was thinking or feeling,

what do YOU see?"

 

It is now MY painting.

I'm delighted she's home.

I love seeing her everyday; 

there's always so much to think about 

and remember when I see her.

 

(Apologies for the reflection/glare;

it was hard to get an image without it once it was hung) 

 

Check out more work from this wonderful artist by visiting her website:

https://www.susanschmittart.com

You won't be disappointed.