90% of any effort

is showing up.

They call it work for a reason.

At times,
its not easy;
it doesn't come intuitively.

I still haven't found the rhythm of my days
and the passion that called me
at a different point in time
to a more intense,
and yes, more judgmental way
of being
is missing.

Not sure if thats the good news or the bad news;
its merely the truth.

Things still feel unsettled at work -
and my house reflects
the disorganization, messiness
and not fully engaged-ness
of my work life.

Splashes of color helped this weekend.

and led to inspiration.

Wreaths are so 2014!

The high point  of the weekend
was picking up restored windows for Art Boy;
even if they served as vivid reminders
that the boy intends to move soon out of state.

 His father designed and made them for him when he was a baby -
featuring his favorite toddler foods.
They hung in his bedroom windows until his early adolescence.

Then an accident - while throwing a ball with his brother
which, of course, had been expressively forbidden inside -
shattered several panes.

They remained at a friends house for over a decade,
waiting for her to repair them;
but her life took some nasty turns, priorities and residences changed
and I had written them off as lost
years ago.

They were found as she was getting ready to move again,
were returned to me
and promptly taken to a professional
who repaired them in 2 weeks!

I can't wait to take them to KC
and give them to their rightful owner.

These images were SO emotionally significant to Art Boy
that he created re-imagined paintings of them
which now hang over his bed.

As good as the paintings are,
they don't do the originals justice!

As exciting as Art Boys move is -
and I AM truly delighted for him and the opportunity he has -
to move from this

to this

is every bit as big an adjustment as the one I'm making.
It won't be easy for him either.

But I know us...
we'll both keep showing up
until it feels more natural.

Sometimes I wondered if I had any faith.

I sat down and thought about it.

And when I had had enough of that 

I got up
and went on my way.

And that—

the getting up and going—

was faith.

I have faith that things will turn out as they should!

Spring

I know I've not posted here as often as in the past...

I've thought about it,

does that count?

I'm finding my way at work,

getting more sure of my role,

what I want to accomplish

and how to do it!

The whole executive, decision making, 

working full time part of my brain 

has been reactivated - 

and the lyrical, more contemplative side 

has been left in the dust - 

or at least finding expression in different ways.

I've been doing improv, acting and writing with a group

and

painting furniture -

a huge old red bookshelf 

that always seemed to loom so large

has been rejuvenated and muted 

at the same time -

and I love it!

Signs of spring have popped up -

almost without my conscious awareness.

There's change afoot

for family members 

and myself.

Things going on that I can only catch glimpses of

and which haven't fully developed enough to even talk about.

Life is happening here

and it's all unfolding as it was meant to.

Life is good.

#Ferguson

It's strange how much events of the past few months -

in a town 12 miles to the north -

can change your perspective on things;

even on small 'colored'
marshmallow things!

I keep a supply of Peeps in my freezer year round.

My 'models' for whenever inspiration strikes!

What? 

You thought I created all the Peep Shows during Lent?

Nope!

Some were done in the fall or winter preceding Lent, 

some during the summer right after Easter!

Like I said, 

whenever the mood strikes.

Some which were done earlier 

have a whole different interpretation now,

so much so,
that I've hesitated to use them ...

I WILL use them, 

but it feels a bit different now.

Hopefully, we can all find common ground soon!

Lenten Peeps

WHEN will this spring obsession stop?

If only there was cash involved with playing with food!

Sorry, it's still too much fun!

A good day

It was just the reminder I needed.

The ‘why’ of why I came back to work in pediatrics; 

 the chatter and laughter of kids, 

conversations at once so random, yet so focused, 

bouncing from dads death, 

to stepfathers incarceration

 to “I spy” 

to a new foster home 

to shoes that light up when you walk 

to guessing my age. 

 The guesses, btw, started out in the low 30’s 

(got to love kids who don’t see wrinkles and grey hair the same way I do!) 

and crept up to the 60’s in a matter of seconds. 

When one of the kids guessed correctly (65), 

I said, “That’s old, isn’t it?” 

to which, in chorus, 

they hastily replied, 

“No, 70 is old; you’ve still got 5 good years left!”

I’ve missed the honesty and freshness of children’s take on the world – 

and given all the drama these kids witnessed

 before being placed in the foster care system, 

it’s nothing short of a miracle 

that they still laugh and chatter at all. 

I spent hours today with kids who reminded me 

about resilience, 

the spirits ability to hang onto hope for a better day 

and the gift of laughter. 

It belied all the concerns I had about it being

 Friday the 13th.

Judgement Day

aka Jury Duty.

Only, in my case, it was just one day!

With all my experience testifying 

before so many judges

and so many attorneys

no one wanted me!

Dismissed -

and I'm delighted.

Clearly all of the judging of peers 

was confined to the waiting room!

still

It’s not that I’m without opinions. 

When did you ever know that to be the case?

I read news on line;

I watch documentaries on demand;

I see my news feed on social media flooded in equal measure 

with all manner of indignities and outrage – 

alongside babies, 

puppies and 

the dreaded cat videos.

I look around and see what a mess this world is 

and I feel that I should weigh in

Death penalty = bad.

I would refuse to serve on a jury where that is an option 

and I’m glad a Georgia death row prisoner
found God and redemption 

through Theological studies while waiting to die… 

but I can’t help wondering who her husband 

(the one she orchestrated having whacked) 

might have evolved into if he’d been given the same gifts 

of a free education,

 time for prayer and reflection 

and continued life.

The Oscars – meh… 

Delighted Eddie Redmayne won for his portrayal of Steven Hawking. 

Despite all the talk about Michael Keaton winning for Birdman, 

in my mind,
 there was NO comparison. 

A man trapped in his own body 

who continued to believe in love
and transcendent hope of the human spirit 

vs 

a man trapped in his own role and ego 

who descends into madness and despair… 

like I said – 

no contest.

Kim Kardashian as a platinum blonde? 

No… just no. 

Any Kardashian - for any reason -
no, just no.

Can’t even begin to describe how disturbing I find ALL the politicos - 

in both parties - 

being mentioned as Presidential candidates –

especially when I think we deserve at least another years reprieve 

before that crazy train pulls into the station. 

My heart is on Elizabeth Warren

~~~~~~~~~~

My Camino Zen continues to inform me 

that all the strum and dirge amounts to nothing.

Ranting and raving accomplishes 

only the raising of my blood pressure.

So I go to work, 

get a teeny bit more comfortable with all the new things expected of me 

with each passing day; 

see family and friends, 

read 

play with my camera,

and create with paint.

Not exactly the stuff of great blogs… 

which is why I’ve gone quiet.

I’m not sure when ambition, passion or fervor 

will sift their way back into my being, 

but I’m content, especially during Lent,
to live a more introspective life.

Peace, my friends

I had forgotten

how consuming work can be;

how tough it is to balance a full time job,

my work at church -

both serious 

(being on vestry)

and fun 

(collaborating with visiting artists from a nearby University
 on a writing/drama project
based on our perceptions of 'the other',
similar to "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner")
and
dealing with new current realities -
both weather related

and a new medical diagnosis.

What I hadn't forgotten is how important it is
to find time for fun...

 I'm here;
trying to find balance.