Saturday, July 25, 2015

Not a rhetorical question

It will come as no surprise to any of you that I've been struggling in my new job; 
can it still be considered 'new' if I've been there for 5 months?

Building a new clinic from the ground up is daunting; 
fraught with daily obstacles, difficulties 
and unintended consequences 
from choices made early on in the process.

Frankly, it's exhausting ...
and I'm old.
I don't have the stamina for challenge I once had, 
nor apparently do I have the amount of ego tied up with this venture 
that I did with my position in the ER.
Say what you will about the pitfalls of a driven ego 
(insert picture of Donald Trump here) 
but the energy it generates can certainly carry you through some tough times.

Don't get me wrong; 
I want to do well. 
I want the clinic to succeed. 
There's not an element of it that I don't believe in 
but I recognize and acquiesce
to the limitations of my influence and abilities 
far more than ever before.

And I've wondered A LOT 
if this is truly Gods call for me.

Because here's the truth - 
from the moment I said Yes to God, 
life's gotten a lot harder!

How hard should call be?
A question for my spiritual discernment group tonight!

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