Friday, April 22, 2016

Thanks, I needed that.

Things at work have been tense; 
not a “screw you, I’m outta here” tense … 
but close.

The clinic I came out of retirement to establish has exceeded expectations. 
We’ve seen over 500 kids; we’ve doubled our staff.

You'd think that would be a good thing
 but it's created a problem.

The footprint of our hospital is ‘landlocked’ and
with multiple new programs being added every year, 
you’d think someone would have pondered 
how we were all going to fit;
where we were all going to go. 

That doesn’t seem to be the way 
either the University or the Network operates however..

The solution, so far, has been for me to relinquish my desk to our latest employee, 

giving her someplace to work 
while I become a ‘floater’, 
going from available computer to available computer 
in whatever office is open and unoccupied. 
If there’s not a warm body sitting there, it’s fair game. 

I hear some people don’t like that arrangement.
They’re not alone. 
I don't like it either. 
We all like our own space.

I dislike being homeless;
worse, I have a mental image 
of another type of ‘floater’ – 
those pieces of sh*t that refuse to go down in the toilet, 
circling aimlessly above the drain with each flush
in endless repetition. 
It’s disturbing how accurate and vivid that imagery feels to my situation.

I love being rooted and centered. 
I have an almost Benedictine ‘commitment to place’ embedded in my DNA. 
Whatever this arrangement is 
it's the opposite of that.

This week, after one more disastrous solution was presented 
in a “take it or leave it” tone – 
I decided to leave it. 

Settling for less than I want has never worked for me – 
hence my long running reign as a singleton 
and born again virgin.

While trying to sell the ugly-space-located-three-floors-and-a-wing-away- from-clinic option, 
the powers-that-be tried to appease me 
by saying it was only temporary. 
I asked them for their definition of the term; 
they replied “not more than 5 years”.

At that moment, things shifted.

I won’t be here in 5 years. 
I’m not burrowing in for the long haul.
Been there, done that, don't need the T-shirt.
 It helped me though relinquish my claim on my former space.
I took my personal items off the shelf last night and carried them home. 

Today, I encouraged our newest hire to bring her mementos in, 
to make the space homey and reflective of her.

I’ll continue to fight for a larger, more permanent space for the program 

while I continue to float – 
but the truth is, 
I won’t be living in it for long.

I’m just passing through 
and I’m trying to travel light.
I'm just circling the drain.

All of a sudden,

it was oddly nice to realize that.

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