It gave me pause.

I don’t know, friends. 

 Just when I think he can’t possibly go any lower, 

he proves me wrong. 

 I keep telling you there aren’t any words to describe 

how disheartened I am by the current inhabitant of the White House 

and all the moral midgets 

who stand silently by his side 

while he attempts to destroy

everything decent and honorable about our country.

 Maybe I should just say there aren't any new words. 

 I chastise myself, 

thinking I should know better.

#45 will NEVER change; 

he will ALWAYS be a con man and a liar. 

 Knowing HE won’t change, 

I keep thinking I should.

I shouldn’t watch so much (or any) news.

I should shake my head and let the inanity roll off my back 

rather than scream at the screen until my blood pressure reaches stroke level. 

I should retire to my happy place, read and pray – for the next 7 years, 

accepting what I can’t control 

and letting God be God. 

But it’s not working.

I went to church early on Sunday morning 

after being overwhelmed all weekend by news of the tragedy and horror 

unfolding in Charlottesville. 

I went early because I knew I needed extra time and space to pray -

for forgiveness and
for a softening of my heart. 

You see, the reality is that as I watched the news of people with my skin color, 

carrying tiki torches
and spewing hatred for anyone other than them,

other than us, 

my anger grew

and, along with the anger and disgust, 

there was hatred. 

Seriously, my anger matched theirs; 

if it could have grown legs
it would have marched in goose step 

parallel to them;

shouting different phrases

but radiating hatred all the same.

I HATE
Nazis’,
white nationalists,
 the KKK,
racists, 

all the people who encourage or tolerate them 

and whoever else considers themselves part
of the so called ‘alt-right’ –

whatever the hell that is -

beyond a pathetic attempt to make themselves sound
more palatable and benign.

My hatred quickly broadened into hating
all confederate Southerners 

because, let’s face it, if they hadn’t existed 

we wouldn’t have had the damn Civil War to begin with, 

let alone having to deal with the so called ‘dilemma’
of what to do with their damn sculptures. 

Frankly, I don’t think it’s a dilemma at all. 

They’re statues celebrating traitors who sought to tear our country apart.

We wouldn’t put up a statue of Timothy McVey in Oklahoma 

or the 26 terrorists who flew into the Trade Center on 9/11 in NYC.

Why have the likes of Robert E Lee, Sherman, Jefferson Davis

 and all the other secessionists around? 

They wanted to leave this union– so leave!!

 Oh, and while I was at it, 

I threw evangelical Christians into my Hate bucket as well;

those miscreants who have contorted the gospel, 

the ‘good news’, 

into being nothing more than a message
 their ignorance and intolerance.

I really hate those right wing religious nut-jobs 

because they’ve co-opted
all I hold sacred 

and made ALL Christians suspect.

As I sat and wept,

I realized that all my hate 

made me exactly like 'them'.

This isn't to say that 

righteous disgust and moral outrage

directed at the actions of people
who would deprive other human beings 

of the very act of existence

is wrong.

It's not to say I won't continue to fight against the forces - and faces - of evil.

It's just a recognition that the feelings,

the ease with which they sprang up,

and the depth and intensity of them

 did make me slip off my high horse 

(for a few minutes)

and I have to fight like hell

to resist becoming the evil I deplore.

God, it's never been this hard to be a citizen of the United States.

It's exhausting.