Suffering from OO

 I can't speak for anyone else but, 

 after 9 months of almost daily opportunities to be outraged -

by the antics of our current President, the Congress and my fellow citizens -

I just CAN'T keeping going to that knee jerk well of response.

I have a serious case of "Outrage Overload".

 For those of you who don't live in St Louis,

you may not have heard of the Jason Stockley trial.

A summary of the case won't surprise you -

you could substitute the names of the individuals involved 

and the city in which the events unfolded

with practically any other urban center around the country.

A white police officer shot and killed a black male in our city.

Police believed he was armed. 

He had been witnessed (by the same officer who shot him) 

in dealing drugs at a local restaurant.

He led police on a high speed chase through the city

before being stopped by a stationary object.

He was then approached by police,

they believed he was reaching for a weapon 

and the officer shot him.

This happened 6 years ago.

During the chase, police cameras captured the officer 

saying he was going to "Kill this motherf**ker."

 Let me repeat, this happened 6 years ago.
(Previous states attorneys declined to prosecute.)

When he was finally charged,
(by a new States Atty)

the officer waived a jury trial and evidence was presented to a Judge.

The verdict was released on Friday; it won't surprise you either -

Not Guilty.

There are many in the St Louis community, 

black and white,

 who are hurting as a result of this finding.

They believe evidence (a gun found in the car) was planted;

they believe this was premeditated murder,

and they see this as yet another negation
of the inherent worth of people 

with brown skin.

They see this verdict as yet another sign of a corrupt and unjust justice system.

 The community had been braced for rioting, demonstrations, protests and civil disobedience 

in the wake of the announcement.

The National Guard was activated before the verdict came out.

Barricades have been in place for weeks around courthouses and government buildings.

Black Hawk helicopters have been seen flying around town.

Events around the city have been cancelled.

Since the verdict came out

Facebook has been on hyper drive

with everyone expressing opinions about what the judge got wrong.

Opinions informed by THEIR prejudices and biases 

with, I suspect, few folks reading the full verdict 

to see what evidence was - or was not - presented in court.

As someone who has testified multiple times in court -

both civil and criminal trials -

I know what it's like to spend hours

being outraged and/or crying 

at the outcome of a trial; 

trials in which 'the facts' seem so clear to me;

trials in which the eventual outcome was not what I believed was 'deserved'.

I'd seen the medical evidence.

I'd seen the injuries to a child.

I know what she disclosed to me 

and how she looked and acted while she did it.

 I know what the perpetrator said happened.

I know how he looked and acted when he told me.

Yet, far more often than I ever would have predicted,

 at an earlier stage in my career,

I experienced stunned disbelief when the verdict of Not guilty was handed down.

From decades of those experiences, I've learned a few things:

*A Judge or jury delivers a verdict

based on their interpretation of the law 

and the evidence put before them.

*'Evidence', like 'truth, is flawed

and it's presented in a court by flawed individuals.

* A Judge or jury does NOT determine 'the truth'. 

*The 'truth' doesn't exist.

It is not a fixed, tangible, concrete entity

defined in universally agreed upon terms.

  

*No matter the outcome,

not once,

has a court decision ever 

brought someone back to life,

captured 'the truth' for all involved,

restored a child's ability to trust,

healed a broken skull or repaired brain tissue,

brought closure to a grieving, or aggrieved, family 

or made the pain of disclosure 

and process of vulnerability  -

on such a public level -

 "worth it".

*No court decision can validate or define the worth of an individual.

*The expectation that 'justice' will be served
and restitution delivered
in this life
by any government entity
now seems quaintly naive to me.

My activist friends will not consider these lessons valid reasons for opting out of outrage.
 But, I've been there, done that, 
gotten high blood pressure and had my soul hollowed out in the process
for decades.

That's why I'm not 'on the front-lines'
chanting and marching
this weekend.

I'm 'adulting'
 (paying bills, doing laundry, caring for an inquisitive toddler)
and focusing on the beauty of zinnias.

I'll leave it to the next generation to discover their own 'truths'
about our justice system.

There are more 'inconvenient truths' in this life
than the ones about global warning.