A phone call from my son

I would have sworn I had gotten the message by now.

I didn’t think the universe would need to keep reminding me that I’m not in control.

Apparently God thought I needed another reminder.

I used to think it was hard being the single parent of two young boys.

I’m not sure why I used the past tense;

it WAS hard being the single parent of two young boys.

What I didn’t fully appreciate and couldn’t fully comprehend until I got here 

is how hard it can be being the single parent of two adult men - 

to see them struggle with life choices; 

those that occur randomly through forces over which they have no control

 and those that are the natural consequences of choices they’ve made.

At least when they were young there was the illusion of control; 

the feeling however delusional 

that I could modify circumstances to mitigate the harm.

With fully functioning and independent adults, however, 

after I’ve offered my thoughts and observations - IF asked, 

there’s nothing to do but step back and watch it unfold.

THAT, my friends is infinitely harder.

I found a poem today after a phone call from my son and it made me catch my breath.

Life is amazing. And then its awful

And then its amazing again

And in between the amazing

and the awful, it’s ordinary

and mundane and routine.

Breathe in the amazing,

hold on through the awful,

and relax and exhale

during the ordinary.

That's just living, heartbreaking,

soul-healing, amazing

awful, ordinary life.

And it's breathtakingly beautiful.

LR Knost.

I’m here, holding on-

waiting for the ordinary and the amazing 

to begin again.