Alchemy

I don't know how else to explain it.

As I was driving to work yesterday I realized that, during the whole two weeks on the island, I had not taken a single Bayer, Ibuprofen, Excedrin, nothing... not one OTC pain reliever - which, if you know me is significant!

Friends have suggested it's nothing more than different flora and fauna to which I am NOT allergic - and there's something to that explanation. If you live in our part of the Midwest, you don't need this map to tell you it's the Allergy Capital of the US!

But I'm thinking it's something more...
well, besides absolutely no stress beyond the decision of what kind of fresh fish to eat for dinner and where!

If it's NOT magic, how do you account for GI Joes stunt of 'sand gymnastics' 3 months after back surgery - and NOT coming home disabled!!

Once I ascertained that he still had feeling in his lower half...

 I did what ANY good mom would do and threatened to beat his ass if he tried it again!

Well, ok, so there was SOME stress but that's just the price of being in a family!
Can you say Adult AD/HD??

Island magic, I'm just sayin!

Maybe it's just me but I think it's beyond time to move beyond 9/11 - and all the misguided patriotic and religious fervor it induced.

Our response to an uncertain and, at times, frightening world is one we get to make on a daily basis. It saddens me to see how frequently people chose to act out of fear rather than trust, out of isolation rather than inclusion.

In the name of "9/11", we have justified torture, the suspension of civil rights and due process, entered into armed conflicts in countries with centuries of entrenched disputes among tribesmen, mortgaged our children's futures to pay for them and imposed restrictions on our freedom to travel without interference.

At a time when there are more 'Christian' radio stations filling the airwaves than ever before, more people who identify themselves by that title are acting in ways that are decidedly un-Christian, at least as I understand that belief system.

For me, one of the central tenets of Christianity is LOVE which leads to an increased awareness of our interconnectedness with all other created beings and the natural world.

At its best, faith should expand our understanding of our place in the world, our relationships with each other and our relationship with the Creator.

Faith should not diminish or reduce our connection to include only those few who think, believe, look or act as we do. As Anne Lamott wrote: "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

Christians who live and act out of fear also forget that the most frequent phrase in the Bible is "Be not afraid". Of all the quoting of chapter and verse coming out of some mouths about abortion, issues of sexuality and politics, I'm curious about why we don't hear them mention that more often.

Be not afraid.

Not a bad motto to live by.

Back Home

Saw a whole lot of this...

while thinking about my time here...

drove from 6am EST to 11pm CST.
Still feel that things are moving past me and it's hard to stand still without feeling dizzy!
But I'm home.

With the exception of a malfunctioning ice maker, which seems to be cycling every 3-4 minutes and will need to be disconnected later today, everything is as I left it.

Picking up the dog this afternoon...

life slowly returning to 'normal'.

Perfect parting gift

The quintessential September beach day!
On the beach from 9am - 6pm...

From the sparkling shimmer of morning sun on sea through the crisp brightness of noon into the deepening colors of late afternoon; breezes that cooled, grew and turned umbrellas inside out as though refusing to let me hide in the shade!

Time for reflection, reading and observing.

We ask for a piece of sand

and he gives us a beach.

We ask for a drop of water

and he gives us an ocean.

We ask for time

and he gives us life eternal.

And it is so easy for us

to fall in love with the gift

and forget the giver.

Edward Farrell

I am SO grateful to have had this time back on the island; both time with my family and time to say Goodbye to my mom.

Without my kids here, the soundtrack of loss that plays so often in the background of my head and is generally muted comes roaring to life and I became more memory than present; the past takes on substance and form and I walk with ghosts.

As much as I love the island and know I'll come back to visit, there's been such an acute awareness that it's neither my present nor my future.

I miss my life.

I miss friends and the craziness of work and my dog and family 'Up North'.

Maybe it's because I haven't taken this much time off from work in years, but it feels like time to go back.

So tomorrow, shortly after sunrise, I'll head out and be relieved when I finally get through the state of Pennsylvania - which is WAAY too long and too crowded with trucks, construction and tunnels -

and I'll smile on the other side!

Getting through Ohio, Indiana and Illinois will be a piece of cake after that!

It feels good to know that, this time tomorrow, I'll be closer to HOME!

From South to North

The warning voice of my dermatologist careened in my head this morning as I looked at the sunburn acquired yesterday during my hours on the beach. (Hey, it was overcast with a cool breeze - perfect reading weather - you'd forget the sunscreen too!)

So, with the vision of my needing a Phantom of the Opera mask if he finds it necessary to remove more of my nose skin, I decided to use my better judgement today and stay out of the sun. (Easy to do since rain was forecast... I'm NOT that much of a compliant patient - which comes as a surprise to exactly no one who knows me!)

It seemed to be the perfect time to revisit the island from one end to the other... not on bike like I did back in the day, but by car... trust me, even THAT took long enough!

At the Southern end, 1 mile from where I'm staying, there's a National Wildlife Refuge and, since mating and nesting seasons are over for the sand plover, you can actually walk there again.

I love the ruggedness of it - and the quiet.

At the Northern end is the lighthouse (Barnegat Light) - where the Atlantic Ocean and the bay meet.

And, in the 18 miles in between, are shops, small towns, restaurants and houses; the vast majority already on 'fall schedule', if open at all!

It's becoming increasingly hard to find the homes I recognize from 'my' time on the island - the shake shingle saltboxes that have always epitomized 'the shore' to me.

Even the Victorian Grand Dames are getting harder to find...

I can't imagine what their taxes and upkeep must cost!

The 'old' houses are being torn down and replaced by McMansions and, honestly, their 'charm' is lost on me...

I may not have a clue about how the 1% get their money, but I, at least, think I know where some of the upper 10% vacation!
I mean, really - $800,000+ for a second home?!
Obviously, there are NO social workers living here!

I'm an ocean girl myself, so I was amazed at how much build up there has been along the bay...

And just so this doesn't seem like total sour grapes, in the interest of full disclosure, if I EVER win Powerball, I'm buying either one of these two homes...

I promise I'll keep a room ready for ya!

I was delighted to see that the public library is still the same!
My grandmother used to walk here every Saturday, get 5 books, read them during the week, take them back and check out 5 more...

Nanny would proud of me - so far this vacation I've read 8!!
Nice to know SOME traditions live on!

Only 1 full day left on the island - how did the time pass so quickly?

Then there was one...

GI Joe and fiancee have returned to the ocean-less Midwest and Art Boy left yesterday morning for the Big Apple to visit friends, see old haunts and take in current museum and gallery offerings... leaving me to my own devices on the island.

And, while I felt all kinds of sadness (as I always do when having to find my own rhythm after being surrounded again by my 'kids'),  the hours (even the rain filled ones) passed in delightful ways and ended in a blaze of glory!

The beach may have LOOKED empty to outside eyes

but don't be fooled, there were plenty of people on it...

 ... our ancestors move along with us, in underground rivers and springs too deep for chaos to reach...

that's why they seem like simpler times.

Trust me, I wasn't alone although I was by myself.

My Mom

In psychoanalytic parlance, it’s taken as a matter of fact that we are defined by everything our parents are – and everything they are not.

It’s been wonderful, in the months since my mom died, to realize I can think of SO many more things she was than she wasn’t.

Despite pictorial evidence to the contrary, she wasn't a cook, a homemaker or a cozy, cuddly, SAHM in the 50’s stereotype, she was a hard working mom during my entire childhood.

In many ways, she was a pioneer – ahead of her time.
She was one of the first Lamaze teachers in the country – our living room, with curtains drawn, was regularly transformed by flip charts of women’s anatomy and babies descending the birth canal and a chorus of women‘hee’heeing’ and practicing their breathing.

I can still hear my mom exhorting these women "to be birth warriors and fight against the men who would put them to sleep, having them miss the birth of their own children!"

She stood up for the Rector of our congregation in the Diocese of Newark when many parishioners wanted to fire him for supporting the fight for racial equality during the 60's and going to march/ride with the “Freedom Fighters’.

She called out the housing developer who thought the only way to fill his pretty new shoebox houses in the suburbs was to lie about the racial background of families buying homes in his pretty little subdivision. He foolishly tried to convince my parents that Tsien and Butsakaris were names devoid of any ‘ethnicity’ beyond WASP.

She loved her profession of nursing and earned her bachelors degree during WW2 from Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York and her Masters of Nursing in Gerontology from Webster University when she was in her 50’s.

She loved being of service – whether working for the Red Cross and Visiting Nurses or volunteering at the USO, the Science Center or the National Park System.

She was also a contradiction.

She was opinionated, humorless and resistant to any change yet loved to take on new things through travel and achieved her goal of seeing every state in the US and every continent in the world.

She loved her husband and children, yet the intricate ‘how’ of relationships was the hardest of all for her to grasp.

 She was different and, while not a cookie cutter wife or mother, she was always her own unique character.

She loved the Jersey shore and the constancy and beauty of the Atlantic Ocean.

Her 'transplant' to the Midwest 40 years ago was never successful.
While she 'lived' there, her roots never went deep.
She longed to 'come home'.

It was right that she 'join' her parents and grandparents back in NJ - in a manner totally fitting for her - and for us.

There's a peace in honoring her last request.

For all that Alzheimers took away during her last decade and all she didn't know how to give in the decades prior to that, I've been surprised by how much I miss her.

It helps to know she's right where she wanted to be and that we made it happen.