Not another debate tonight!!

Love this quote from Lars -Erick Nelson.

And NO party is exempt from that!

Forget lobbying for term limits; I don't really care.

(If their constituents are willing to keep electing them... what business is it of mine?)

But I do think there should definitely be limits to how long we have to listen to campaigning!!

Another typical Friday night.

It was Girls Night Out and I swear I had every intention of going...

I was delighted to be asked to join them; it feels like forever since I saw anyone who wasn't 'work-related'.

But, honestly, when push came to shove, I couldn't bring myself to go.

Work has absolutely ruined me for 'polite society'.

I listened today, for what seemed like hours, to details from a 9 yr old girl repeatedly raped by her stepfather for over a year; images that will stay with me for a long time... well, at least until another tale of horror next week pushes them toward the back of my mind.

There was no way I could sit and listen to my comfortable and uber wealthy friends complain about problems with their Mercedes, BMWs or vacation homes or how their trust fund kids are misbehaving - when they aren't getting cushy jobs and internships they haven't earned with corporations their fathers represent in their law firms.

I just don't have the patience to do it.

That doesn't make them bad people; it doesn't make me bad either.

I just can't be there anymore.

I can't be the person who pretends to find those topics interesting, the person who thinks those things define a meaningful life.

Yesterday was a day when I was painfully aware of exactly how much my career choice has altered my life.

My view of the world and how I see things has been warped; it's been changed forever.

I don't see any way back even though I know my 'normal' isn't normal.

It was simply easier, and more comfortable, to grab a drink with someone from the front lines and exchange stories from the trenches; less a 'Happy Hour' and more a debriefing session.

Either way, the outcome was exactly the same: I came home crying and alone.

But, at least, thank God, nobody asked me how I can do what I do...

cause I'm not sure I would have had an answer that would have satisfied either of us!

'cause it needs to be said...

If I hear one more talking head say how gorgeous Angelina Jolie was at the Golden Globes, I think my head will explode!

Really, people ... the woman is a walking stick figure who's been Botoxed to within an inch of her life. Did she have ONE expression that any of you caught while watching?

Her statue in Madam Tussand has more animation that she had.

The woman doesn't look right and, sadly with her tattoos, she's practically channeling an Auschwitz survivor.

Stop holding this alien up to our girls as someone to be admired!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh yeah... one more thing

I find it ironic that Newt Gingrich who, as Speaker of the House during Clintons sexual peccadillo and perjury impeachment trial, proudly proclaimed that he would "NEVER, as long as I am Speaker, make a speech without commenting on this topic" is suddenly and sensitively self righteous about having his past held up for comment!

Don't get me wrong.
I think most men running for public office have egos bigger than their heads - although in Newts case that would be hard to imagine.I also think you can be a terrific president and yet not be someone you'd want to be married to... BTW, Callista, he cheated on Wives #1 & 2... you do the math!

It's NOT the behavior, in and of itsef, I find so repugnant (although I do); it's the hypocrisy!

OK, I feel better now!

A memory out of season

The discovery, stuffed in the back of a file cabinet drawer, prompted a wave of feelings and made me smile; I knew I'd have to share the memory!

When you get an invitation to take part - in any aspect - of an adult child's life, trust me, you accept and do whatever it takes to make it work!

So the words, "Mom, I've got a piece in a Mothers Day Show; come on out for the opening" was music to my ears.

Take a day off from work and drive across the state?

No problem; I've got it!

Mothers...

Nothing emotionally laden in THAT theme, right??

Hours of drive time provided a lot of opportunity for anticipation to build.

And, for all those hours, images of 'mothering' floated through my head...

How wonderful that Art Boy was going to do some kind of homage to all the devotion and care I had lavished on him!!

Keep in mind these were the thoughts of a woman who gets teary when an actor 'Thanks his mum' during his Academy Award speech!

So, being ever resourceful, I packed Kleenex - just in case I got too ferklempt.

I wasn't delusional...
I didn't expect to be elevated to the divine - no matter how fitting it may be!

I was even willing to be portrayed in a (now) age appropriate way -

or with a look into the not so distant future!

So many ways to depict our relationship... a veritable smorgasbord of possibilities!

Walking in to the gallery that night, when some people passed by me, laughing, smiling pointedly and looking at me in recognition, I assumed Art Boys work was so 'spot on', my moment of celebrity as 'the Artist Mom' was now firmly established. I couldn't wait to see it!

And, turning the corner, there it was... 5 FEET by 7 FEET - bigger than lifesize... with the title:
"My Mother dated Michael Jackson".

WTF???
A perfectly good church directory picture from back in the day - blown up beyond any parameters Olin Mills ever dreamed of - with the King of Pop (not to mention perversion) plopped right in the midst of us!

A single mom with two young boys - oh, and to make matters worse - a single mom who has devoted her life to protecting children from the likes of 'the one gloved wonder', here, making her children accessible to the very forces she battles every day.

(Don't even go there about he was never found guilty... I've read the transcripts, seen the children's testimony - and juries are stupid!)

Yeah...totally hadn't seen that coming!

Thank goodness, I had the kleenex ... they made a perfect disguise.

The kid is totally outside the box!
Can't, for the life of me, figure out who he got THAT from!!

More Paper Cuts

What struck me the most, looking through literally hundreds of images was how the same issues I was dealing with then are still present years later...

being an outsider,
being engaged, but weary,
relationships,
food and (some) family as bane,

even political leanings -
all the same -

although, thankfully, the intensity has lessened...

the roughest places smoothed,

the angst dialed down!

Life with her family was a circus: The Flying Faux Pas.
She longed to run away and join the normal people.


Try as she may, she couldn't imaginewhere her boobs would be when she was in her 50's!

(a note from today... she'd be even more surprised in her 60"s!!)

No matter where she was, she was missing.

She had yet to find one whose center she preferred.

She was weary
Some souls carried more than 1 albatross.

Checks and Balances.

I said these clowns need checks and balances.Not checks and valances!

Something beautiful had emerged

from the coldness of her childhood
It was miraculous.

He'd lost his innocence years ago.
His government was wrong.

Terribly, dangerously wrong.

She had lived in her head
for as long as she could remember.

Even when flocking with 'birds of a feather'
She knew she was different.

He'd been waiting for so long
that, sadly, he couldn't remember for WHAT!

Surrounded by strange and unique creatures,
she ran the race set before her.

It took years to stop measuring her steps
confident in her own dance.

Even when she tried to be an angel

people thought she was just a bitch.

I guess I can either be despondent that so few things have changed

or

take comfort

that I'm so well integrated

that it is what it is;

I am what I am!

and the coin toss says....

Wordless Wednesday (yup...it's back!)

Paper cuts

She was a sip in a world of big gulps.

Several years ago, I was sick of words...

in reports, in conversations, in my prayer life.

I had a desperate need, which I couldn't totally explain, of finding another way of expressing what I felt - so I turned to images.

I collect paper ephemera and old photographs, so it seemed a perfect idea

to combine both

in a new form of discipline.

She thought climbing out

of where they imprisoned her

would set her free...
it had only been the beginning.

Every Sunday for 4-5 years, I created a new collage.

I tried to reflect on the prevailing mood or struggle of the week

and have that mirrored in image and word.

The year I started, I titled the project 25 words or less,

the next year was A Bakers Dozen;

then The Power of One,

then You Don't Say...

reducing the number of words each time.

I recently came across the notebooks in which I stored the work -

and I must say, had a GREAT time looking at them!

She was not alone
in feeling alone.

It made me sorry I found 'blogging' and moved back to words.

There's a decided interior push to get back to using images...

I'm eager to get out the supplies

and have another go at it.

Anyway, for today, I decided to post some of the older images here.
When needed, I'll include the captions,

in case your eyes have gotten as bad as mine!

Oh please! One small 'dare' gone bad

now she was blamed for everything!

He 'popped' into her life

when she was resigned to being alone;
awakening old feelings and dreams.
He was a weasel.




A ship in the harbor is safe
but that's not why it was created.


She knew she was 'touched';she hoped it was the Spirit.

He loved that she truly knew him
except when he hated her for it.

She knew that too.

I've got the Blue Girl

livin in a Red State

blues.


It was obvious to him...
without changing the flight pattern,
they'd get nowhere.

Distance rendered him saint-likeShe was envious.
She was resentful.
She was here.

Destined to spend much of her life searching
for comfort money can't buy.

He was an odd duck
but his gaze pierced her soul with longing.

I'll probably post a few more tomorrow -

and then don't be surprised to see some periodically show up from here on out!
I NEED to do this again!