Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Mixed blessings

There is certainly much for which to be grateful: 

a charming new little life continues to unfold
with glimpses (at only 2 1/2 weeks)
of a much more mature child -
even when he's channeling his inner grumpy Yoda!
(Are kids like puppies?
Because if he grows into his hands and feet ...
watch out!)
Babysitting hasn't been this much fun 
since my senior year in high school
when I routinely babysat for the 'cool' neighbors,
got paid top dollar AND got to use their convertible!
Work is ... work ...
the clinic is challenging but thriving -
with over 840+ kids enrolled in our program -
in less than 22 months.

The frustrations and lack of response from within our organization continues
but is at least off set at this point
by recognition of the benefits 
being reaped by the kids in the program.

I've made several trips to the Capitol lately to speak to legislators 
about expanding the program statewide
to ultimately serve all children in the states foster care system.
No doubt a change in state leadership at the governors level
will impact how quickly this all happens.
Here's hoping the stoplight isn't prophetic.
And its that pending political change
along with all the other changes on a National level
that has left me with a pervading sense of gloom.
I've cycled hrough anger, disbelief and denial 
about the presidential elections results -
then back again to ground zero
only to start all over.
I simply can't find my way beyond these repeating feelings into the new reality
of such an odious little man being cast as leader of our country.

I've been single and dated enough men to know that when a man tells you who he is -
believe him.

And, as far as I'm concerned,
this one has told us
for decades
that he's not to be trusted;
that he only looks out for himself;
that he'll say and do anything to advance to his own interests;
that he has NO moral center;
that he has no close friends because he can't trust;
that he is so insecure about his own trustworthiness that any slight,
no matter how small and insignificant
must be defended immediately,
with no sense of proportional response.

Not exactly qualities I want in the leader in my country.

The reality is that I've been in mourning -
and I'm not done yet.

The sense of believing in the goodness of my fellow citizens 
and the world writ large,
the sense of believing in goodness
that I walked across an entire country to reclaim (on the Camino)
has been badly injured.
Knowing that the majority of people voted for a better option helps a little;
but, as we're all being reminded again, 
when it comes to the Electoral College,
the majority doesn't rule!

This isn't just a case of being a sore loser.
It's a refusal to acquiesce to evil.
I will NOT pretend that the president elect is a normal candidate
who won a normal election
and needs to be given a chance to prove himself.

He has unleashed the darkest instincts of his followers
and given them permission to wreck havoc on anyone they see as inferior - 
which encompasses all of us who don't agree with them.
He's already proven himself
not only by refusing to disavow them -
but by elevating them to the highest levels of government.

I keep looking for points of light in the darkness - 
and I find them -

but that doesn't mean I don't feel overwhelmed.

I do know I'm ready for civil disobedience.
I'm ready for marching, 
calling government officials, 
holding them accountable,
signing petitions...
I'm just pissed that all of this will be necessary - again.
I thought the 60's were behind us!
Here's what I won't do ...
I won't live for the next 4 years in a sense of hyper-vigilance,
seeing boogeymen everywhere,
letting fear eclipse my ability to wrest joy from the everyday.

The balance for how to do all of this
 is what I'm missing
and struggling to find.

Maintaining equilibrium is tough under the best of circumstances
and this period of our history is FAR from the best!

But there's this
and he gives me hope
and the strength to fight on -
because all the children in the world deserve better than what's coming!

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