Through Pilgrim eyes

I think I’ve turned a corner…

maybe not physically 

but certainly in my understanding 

of what’s going on 

with my leg and my hip.

I came across a Nigerian saying the other day – 

The day on which one starts out 

is not the time to start ones preparations.

I’m embarking on changes for the rest of my life – 

career changes, to be sure  - 

but also changes in the way I care for 

and relate to my body 

and what it’s capable of.

I think my recent injury, 

struggle and pain 

are all part and parcel of lessons I need to learn - 

that the changes won’t be easy; 

nor will they be fast;

nor will they necessarily fit my idea 

of the rate of speed 

at which they should occur.

And, 

while I can seek help from others 

who are there to guide me, 

I’m, ultimately, the one who will 

have to learn to listen to my body 

and do what needs to be done

to move forward.

On some days, 

that might be pushing myself in physical therapy 

and on other days, 

that might be letting myself read on the couch, 

resting.

I'm also fairly sure there's a reminder in there 

(which I intend to heed) 

about how fragile these bodies of ours are 

and how much I've taken mine for granted!

I’m not retiring and leaving for the Camino tomorrow 

or next week 

or next month.

I've started the preparations.

I’ve put things in place 

and continue to head in the direction 

I intuitively know is right for me –

past the fear, 

past the security of only doing what I’ve done for so long.

Comfort zone??

I’m WAAYY past that now!

I’ve got to start NOW to have pilgrim eyes –

eyes that can see the long path 

and keep moving forward 

yet paradoxically

being content to take it as it comes.