These are a few of my favorite things

 

A needlepoint pillow I made

YEARS ago

and several Santas and trees

I made from antique chocolate molds

And 2 Santas from my childhood

So much to enjoy and cherish.

There's no place like home for the holidays

Looking around my house this time of year,

I see lots of things;

cherished things,

things handed down,

and newer items purchased for my own enjoyment; 

items to pass along, 

at some point,

 to another generation.

But more than 'things',

I see people I love;

friends and family I was with 

when Christmas items were acquired,

memories of life shared

 and

gifts given and gratefully received

(like an angel with her 'big girl panties' on!)

and a Santa puppet that we're sure needs to be tested 

for Graves disease.

A truck from my sons childhood brings back memories -

of Christmases spent together.

and realization of how far we've all traveled since that time.

And, of course,

doesn't everyone have a spotted reindeer head?

I have several choices for a Nativity

but this is the one that made the cut this year.

There was something very appealing about taking scraps, 

left overs,

 and combining them

with the most ordinary of household objects

from my childhood,

wooden clothespins,

to create something which points to the holy.

The reality that the aged clothespins are differently colored,

creating the effect of a biracial couple,

was definitely a plus.

As my Pearl reminds me

Good to remember!

MGUS

no, not a Disney character...

but the hematological disorder

also known as 

Monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance ;

it's either that or "smoldering myeloma".

While the abnormal results of my blood work are still being discussed 

as to their classification,

the lesions in my skull have conclusively been labeled as benign 

and I am more pleased than I can say 

to state 

I do NOT have multiple myeloma!

It felt like a benediction to hear the oncologist say

"For some folks, including you, it's normal to be abnormal!"

No one will ever convince me the outcome is not directly related 

to the power of intercessory prayer!

I have an over active immune system that MUST be calmed down...

and, to that end,

 I'll be starting new medication at the end of the month,

but, it seems God isn't quite ready for me yet!

I can't tell you the relief I feel.

I've apologize to all for the drama of the past few weeks;

I was acting in good faith 

on bad information.

And, as impatient as I was with waiting for the work up to be complete,

it's behind me now.

I'm concentrating on enjoying the Silent Nights of the season

and practicing gratefulness for all the love that surrounds me!

Thanks be to God!

Like I said,

 

Perfection.

Antidote

When I need to get away from the noise
in my head,
relax
and just remember
the beauty of the world,

 I only have to look at one of Gods most perfect creations:

a rose.

Then I remember

the beauty of unfolding,

at different rates

in varied patterns;

with depths never fully revealed

or explored.

Perfection.

Hanging on ...

through the ups and downs.

The oncologist didn't throw any colleague under the bus

but he DID walk everyone back from the brink.

Last week,

during my first visit,

he declared he wasn't ready to say I had multiple myeloma -
yet.

There may have been a celebratory champagne 

and steak dinner last weekend

in response.

He did however order more tests,

more xrays -

and, true to form, 

when you go looking for trouble,

you're bound to find it.

But I've learned my lesson;

I'm not saying anything this time 

until I see it in writing - 

so I have another visit with the oncologist 

later this week.

As Roseanne Rosanna Dana used to say

"It's always something"

In the meantime,
I'm enjoying my tree
(and not even letting the crooked star bother me;
well, maybe a little)

 and creating a Christmas card
for clinic.

I might not be able to change what's going on inside my body,
assuming of course that someone will figure it out -
and hopefully soon -
but I can still control whether I see the beauty and promise of the season.

Yes, indeed,
that I can do!

Pretest

Here's what I know about multiple myeloma:

1. It's a form of blood cancer that forms in your bone marrow. Normal plasma cells transform into malignant myeloma cells and produce large amounts of an abnormal protein called monoclonal protein (or M protein) which then interferes with normal blood production by crowding out the 'good' blood cells.
2. Most people are diagnosed with it in their mid-60's.
3. Multiple myeloma accounts for only 1.5% of all newly diagnosed cancer patients.
4. 24,000 people will be diagnosed with it in 2015.
5. Men are diagnosed more frequently than women.
6. Blacks are diagnosed twice as often as whites.
7. I usually love being an 'outlier'; this time, not so much.
8. Geraldine Ferraro had it. She died from it.
9. Tom Brokaw has it. He's temporarily in remission. He also has a medical team of doctors at Mayo Clinic and Sloan Kettering; a spouse of 50+ years, an apartment in NYC, a ranch in Montana and more money than God.
10. I have multiple myeloma.
11. I am not Tom Brokaw.
12. The 5 year survival rate is 47%.
13. It's not curable. They say it's 'manageable'.

I suspect in the weeks and months to come, 

I'll learn more than I'd ever hoped to know about this disease.

If cancer is going to inhabit my body, 

in whatever form, 

for the rest of my life,
there's a part of me that thinks

I should make peace with it. 

Maybe at some point I'll have to.

Right now, 

I'm all for kicking its ass.

Mary and Me: an Advent poem

She said 'Yes' 

though alternative responses 

born of competing emotions

must have demanded their say - 

confusion 

disbelief 

doubt 

apprehension 

even, fear.

But, for some, 

Gods presence and love 

active in their lives 

cannot be denied 

and 'yes' raced to the finish line 

and slipped from her lips first.

And then she waited, 

in a human 

and very pregnant 

pause 

and waited 

for Gods plan and new reality 

to become manifest.

 Waited during

gossip 

conjecture 

speculation 

uncertainty.

Waited in 

trust 

hope 

and certain knowledge 

that she was 

beloved by God, 

chosen.

 This advent season 

as cells divide in my body as well,

leading not to a newborn infant 

but death 

and a new form of life 

in You,

May I too 

wait in the pause 

in

trust 

hope 

and certain knowledge 

that I am beloved by God,

chosen 

and despite all the competing emotions, 

jostling for position in my mouth, 

may

'Yes' 

be my daily response.

Timing ...

it's everything.

I ordered this book

several weeks ago;

it was back ordered

and just arrived in my mailbox 

today.

From a raw statistics point of view,

this might be less of an issue 

than I'd once believed it would be.

truth

My children have always known I’ve had feet of clay; 

I've never pretended to be perfect.

They were protected however 

from knowing exactly how close to the edge 

those feet of clay got 

on any given day,

or how precarious the ground was 

under my feet.

For those of you who haven’t parented solo,

there’s a lot we single moms protect our kids from knowing.

I tried to convey I was in control,

that I could handle 

whatever they - or the world -

threw at me.

I may also have given them the message 

that I’d always be there

to help them deal with 

whatever came their way as well.

Hard conversations this weekend reminded us all 

that when the ground shifts beneath your feet 

is generally beyond your control;

that some things your parent presents as truth 

is actually wishful thinking 

and

 - spoiler alert - 

 all feet, 

whether clay or flesh 

are attached to mortal beings 

and therefore 

subject to crumbling.

Conversations not for the faint of heart,

although we will deal with whatever comes next -

together

and 

alone.

Cancer Lesson #1

Never tell your hairstylist 

of 25 years 

that you have cancer

while she has sharp scissors in her hand,

posed over your hair.

Or a 'trim' will turn into

the shortest hair you've had in years!

What can I say,

she's easily distracted.

At least if I lose it all from chemo,

I'm halfway there already!