A Bubble off center

We might as well have his record flagged 'cause I KNOW, sure as I'm sitting here downing this daiquiri writing, that we'll see him and his mom again!

Last month, he was brought to the ER after being found by police 'streaking necked down a main street at midnight' when mom thought he'd be safely locked in the apartment behind the 3 deadbolts on the front door.

It took 4 hours for her to realize he was gone, call police and be directed to come to the ER to identify him.

Today, she called the police and an ambulance (because why drive your own car when you can make a more dramatic entrance - for free?) to have him seen "because he was viciously assaulted at school by those animals who are supposed to educate him".

Thank God, the camera had a zoom lens or we'd never have found the scratch that was 'proof positive' of his "terrible ordeal".

I get that he's autistic.

I get that he's 13, bigger than you and you're terrified you're not going to be able to handle him any longer - assuming you ever could.

I get that you've been dealing with this for years and are getting tired.

But, trust me on this, getting high while he's in school - or supposedly asleep - so you're rendered unconscious (or incoherent) and, when you have to show up in the ER, are rambling about him 'being controlled by robots' and not being able to leave him with anyone else 'because they might be witches and into mind control', only makes YOU look like an idiot - and an unfit parent!

It also doesn't help to bring your other kids along and do NOTHING while your 2 yr old empties juice boxes on our shoes and the floor, climbs and jumps off of every piece of furniture in the room and growls like he's possessed as you babble on incoherently and seemingly unaware.

Although, in truth, it was kind of fun to see one of our 'finest in blue' mutter under her breath as we left the room, "I will not tase toddlers, I will not tase toddlers, I will not..."

Y'all can trust me on this... a cab slip was a small price to pay for getting them out of our ER - especially on a Friday night!

ps...dear Press Ganey,

I'll believe there's some validity to hospitals being 'graded' on the responses of parents whose children have been seen in our ER when WE get to 'grade' the parents we deal with on a daily basis too! Until then, you suck.

I'd give you 1 hour to work with our clients and you'd go screaming like a banshee out the nearest exit!

Oh wait, that was me!