An easy question to answer

What the f**k did I do?

As most of the world knows by now 

(since it was breaking news of such import 

that TV stations felt compelled to interrupt 

regularly scheduled programming to tell us)

Justin Bieber was arrested recently in Florida 

for speeding, 

driving under the influence
(of alcohol, marijuana and medication 

prescribed for someone else, not him), 

resisting arrest 

and driving without a valid license.

The question above is reportedly the first thing he said to police 

when he rolled down the window of his yellow Lamborghini.

Here’s the answer, pal.

You assumed that because you’re rich, 

you can do anything you want – 

without any repercussions. 

You assumed that the world is your plaything 

and, if you hit or killed one of the ‘little people’ 

with whom you share the planet, 

it won’t matter very much 

because you’re the Biebs 

and you’re clearly more important than they are; 

more important than the law for that matter.

You assumed that your people, 

the sycophants who glom onto you
for a taste of your money 

and reflected fame, 

will cover for you 

and get you out of this latest mess 

like they’ve gotten you out of all the ones before. 

You assumed that any press, 

even bad press, 

is better than no press at all 

and your ‘persecution’ by the Miami police 

will only make your brainless, adoring fans 

spring to your defense 

and love you all the more. 

You assumed that because you’ve lived for 19 years

and made a ton of money by singing, 

you’ve arrived at adulthood - 

without any concept 

of what responsibility, 

true maturity 

or being a grownup is all about.

I don’t know what makes me sicker; 

the fact that you don’t have a clue 

or that, for the most part,

 you’ll probably be right,

That’s the difference between the rich and the rest of us.

Heaven knows I’d be the last person to cast aspersions on those who drive fast.

While my transgressions have NEVER been conducted
under the influence, 

of anything other than life,

my lead foot and I have had the pleasure
of meeting law enforcement agents 

from around the country.

And I’ve NEVER been ticketed as a result 

or had to endure jumpsuit orange.

The first words out of my mouth, however, are usually 

“Hi Officer, how are you today”?

We all come to our own understanding 

of what being a grownup looks, feels and acts like 

by different routes.

The fact that your latest tattoo is a compass

shows me that, 

on some basic level, 

you realize how lost you are. 

You, young man, need a mother
very, very badly.