Saturday, January 25, 2014

An easy question to answer

What the f**k did I do?

As most of the world knows by now 
(since it was breaking news of such import 
that TV stations felt compelled to interrupt 
regularly scheduled programming to tell us)
Justin Bieber was arrested recently in Florida 
for speeding, 
driving under the influence
(of alcohol, marijuana and medication 
prescribed for someone else, not him), 
resisting arrest 
and driving without a valid license.
The question above is reportedly the first thing he said to police 
when he rolled down the window of his yellow Lamborghini.

Here’s the answer, pal.
You assumed that because you’re rich, 
you can do anything you want – 
without any repercussions. 

You assumed that the world is your plaything 
and, if you hit or killed one of the ‘little people’ 
with whom you share the planet, 
it won’t matter very much 
because you’re the Biebs 
and you’re clearly more important than they are; 
more important than the law for that matter.

You assumed that your people, 
the sycophants who glom onto you
for a taste of your money 
and reflected fame, 
will cover for you 
and get you out of this latest mess 
like they’ve gotten you out of all the ones before. 

You assumed that any press, 
even bad press, 
is better than no press at all 
and your ‘persecution’ by the Miami police 
will only make your brainless, adoring fans 
spring to your defense 
and love you all the more. 

You assumed that because you’ve lived for 19 years
and made a ton of money by singing, 
you’ve arrived at adulthood - 
without any concept 
of what responsibility, 
true maturity 
or being a grownup is all about.

I don’t know what makes me sicker; 
the fact that you don’t have a clue 
or that, for the most part,
 you’ll probably be right,

That’s the difference between the rich and the rest of us.
Heaven knows I’d be the last person to cast aspersions on those who drive fast.
While my transgressions have NEVER been conducted
under the influence, 
of anything other than life,
my lead foot and I have had the pleasure
of meeting law enforcement agents 
from around the country.

And I’ve NEVER been ticketed as a result 
or had to endure jumpsuit orange.

The first words out of my mouth, however, are usually 
“Hi Officer, how are you today”?

We all come to our own understanding 
of what being a grownup looks, feels and acts like 
by different routes.

The fact that your latest tattoo is a compass
shows me that, 
on some basic level, 
you realize how lost you are. 

You, young man, need a mother
very, very badly.

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