Are you serious?

Am I really the only one who thinks these 'inventions'

must be a total joke?

Please tell me no one is actually buying this stuff!

Are YOU really that sloppy eating noodles that you need a hair guard?

Try biting the noodles to a more manageable length-

or switching to soup with rice!

 As if the whites of eggs aren't 'mucousy' enough - 

with this creature, you have them coming out a nose!

There's a built in 'separator' with the two halves of the egg itself -

do you really need another object to wash to accomplish the same thing?

 If your desserts are so tough you need a saw to cut your cake instead of a knife,

thanks, but I don't want a piece!

 You're eating a scoop of ice cream as big as your head -

and you can't even expend the calories to rotate the cone yourself!

Really?

 Ditto with a sifter you don't even have to squeeze -

you only have to use a finger!

 Wake up to the smell of cooking bacon - OK... if you must

but am I the only one thinking about the issues of cleaning that tray - 

and the area directly above it

or

the havoc this would create in a household with dogs -

especially ones that sleep on the bed!?

 Because juggling a cutter AND a spatula is too taxing?

 Honey, if you need a 6 pack of beer in the time it takes you to flip burgers,

there's a 12 step program I could refer you too!

Besides, isn't having a 'cold one' the whole point while sweating over hot coals?

Between body heat, summer temps and the coals,

how long before that beer becomes warmer than piss?

In St Louis summers, it would take about 5 minutes!

Thanks, I'll keep my beer on ice in the cooler - 

the way God intended it to be!

 Again with the preventative 'muscle-over-exertion' devices - 

you can't pick up a gallon of juice?

Then you need to switch to Ensure,

 a feeding tube

or smaller containers of juice!

 Again with a whole device to clutter up the silverware drawer 

when a simple knife would do!

Has anyone ever refused to eat a banana slice 

unless it was the exact same size as the others?

 By the time you find the tag, 

you could have figured out which way the sheet goes on the damn bed -

just sayin!

 How long do you people stay in a shower?

If it's all of Happy Hour,

then your pruny selves have a problem!

 An inflatable tie - so you can sleep at work?

It will be a good thing to have with you at the Unemployment office -  

while you're waiting for your new temp job!

 Individual slices of cake to freeze... 

can't you get that by just cutting a whole one?

(and then washing ONE pan without the pain of all those dividers!)

Plus, it's PLASTIC -

how many of you microwave your baked goods?

Keeping track of both scissors AND tape is NOT the ultimate in multitasking, folks!

Hard to believe all these items went through marketing and manufacturing trials

and were put on the market!

~~~~~~~~~~

I live a very simple, apparently Neanderthal, life.

Trust me, none of these things will be in my estate sale!