Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Free faling

I'm finding out that it's not a huge step from 'favored' to 'forgotten';
it's one tiny misstep,
a stumble, really;
and it's left me free falling
in the abyss in between.
And, yes,
I know exactly how much ego sounds tied up 
in thinking of yourself as 'favored'.

But, to be honest, it felt like I was;
in the sense that I felt connected 
to the positive realms of the universe,
the healthiest part of myself 
and, dare I say it,
the will of God
for me.

Until I decided to step out in faith -
and I've been in the abyss ever since!

Even the temptation offer of going back to work in the hospital
seems to have evaporated.

And I honestly don't know if that's the good news
or the bad news!

Within the same hour,
I saw both this reminder

and read a message about 'post holiday' blues
and a 'return to normal'.

The message reminded us that Joseph and Mary didn't stay in the glow
of an angel encrusted stable,
the interior lit
by the glowing star outside
and inside
the halos pulsating round their heads;
they returned home...
after being fawned over and lauded,
they went back to 'the ordinary'

Lest we think a divine calling means venturing 
to faraway, exotic lands 
and living among far more interesting people, 
or at least finding better jobs with loftier titles,
the story says it might mean simply going home. 

Go back to where you started, 
back to the old stories and whispers, 
back to your mundane and sometimes even boring life. 

Change might never show up in a particular place or position; 
change might only show up 
in you.  

See how the holy already threads through our mundane? 
The “same old, same old” is ever new, 
ever becoming, 
because we are. 

Everything that really matters is coming to an end. 
Everything that really matters is now beginning. 
Where will we see it? 

In us.

Come to think of it,
free falling would be better 
than being battered between these two viewpoints.

A year that seemed to start out with such focus
feels destined to end in a state of confusion -
one of my least favorite states -

and you know how much I usually love road trips!!

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