Thursday, January 1, 2015

Six volumes

I discovered them today 
while getting out my art supplies.
Six volumes - 
each one 'darker' than the one that preceded it;
each volume more tightly packed 
with images, phrases and humor
 that only another ER staff person could appreciate - 
because it's not humor at all - 
its gulps of pain 
in a different key.

You see, the only 'New Years Resolution'
I made this year
was to play with paper, color and images again.

For years, 
I spent every Sunday afternoon 
working on a collage that encapsulated 
some aspect of my life 
at that moment.
It was often the best part of my week.

It was certainly the healthiest time 
as I got out of my head and onto paper 
issues that were gnawing at me; 
sometimes silently, 
sometimes, not so much.

I have a series of 'personal' journals
'work' journals.
(More 'stuff' my sons will have to wrestle with when I draw my last breath!
Here's hoping they at least look at them
before they use them as fireplace fodder!)

My personal journals are a bit more 'polished';
more carefully curated;
but the images in the 'work' journals 
were often done late at night after a bad shift,
when sleep couldn't be found
and images had to be exorcised 
before my mind could settle.

The last time I looked through the 'personal' journals was about 2-3 years ago;
looking through the 'work' related journals
was even longer ago than that.

But I spent time 
and did just that 
this morning.

I have such sympathy for the person I was then...
the human sponge absorbing so much of the pain 
that walked into the ER on a daily basis - 
as if I didn't have enough in my own life already!

There is nothing subtle in these images -
they're raw and real
 and looking at them now 
I can feel my blood pressure rise...

I have a new appreciation for why I'm concerned about going back to the hospital - 
IF things work out with the grant.

I also can't help but wonder what my images will be like this year -

guess there's only one way to find out...
getting out the scissors and glue sticks now.

One volume starts with this image...
and ends with this one -
Nice to know some things never change!

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