Thursday, July 31, 2014

Lake Michigan trauma

Dear children at the lakefront this weekend - 
As traumatic as it was to see a woman 
my age and condition
in a bathing suit,
I feel the immediate damage to your psyches 
will, ultimately,
 be mitigated by learning two important life lessons:

1 - this is what non-estrogenized skin looks like;
it happens to all women 
(even to those who swore 
it would NEVER happen to them)
2 - gravity always wins.
Scary, but true!

You're welcome. 

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Contender for Ugliest Nativity 2014

Christmas is 5 months away -
but being on the lookout for ugly nativities
is a year long job!

Friday, July 25, 2014

Art: I know what I like - to make!

I've decided not to have Art Camp alone...
some friends, 
some rum slush
and some hours of fun 
on a Sunday afternoon
are definitely on the calendar!

Can't wait!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Are you serious?

Am I really the only one who thinks these 'inventions'
must be a total joke?

Please tell me no one is actually buying this stuff!

Are YOU really that sloppy eating noodles that you need a hair guard?
Try biting the noodles to a more manageable length-
or switching to soup with rice!

 As if the whites of eggs aren't 'mucousy' enough - 
with this creature, you have them coming out a nose!
There's a built in 'separator' with the two halves of the egg itself -
do you really need another object to wash to accomplish the same thing?

 If your desserts are so tough you need a saw to cut your cake instead of a knife,
thanks, but I don't want a piece!

 You're eating a scoop of ice cream as big as your head -
and you can't even expend the calories to rotate the cone yourself!

 Ditto with a sifter you don't even have to squeeze -
you only have to use a finger!

 Wake up to the smell of cooking bacon - OK... if you must
but am I the only one thinking about the issues of cleaning that tray - 
and the area directly above it
the havoc this would create in a household with dogs -
especially ones that sleep on the bed!?

 Because juggling a cutter AND a spatula is too taxing?

 Honey, if you need a 6 pack of beer in the time it takes you to flip burgers,
there's a 12 step program I could refer you too!
Besides, isn't having a 'cold one' the whole point while sweating over hot coals?
Between body heat, summer temps and the coals,
how long before that beer becomes warmer than piss?
In St Louis summers, it would take about 5 minutes!
Thanks, I'll keep my beer on ice in the cooler - 
the way God intended it to be!

 Again with the preventative 'muscle-over-exertion' devices - 
you can't pick up a gallon of juice?
Then you need to switch to Ensure,
 a feeding tube
or smaller containers of juice!

 Again with a whole device to clutter up the silverware drawer 
when a simple knife would do!
Has anyone ever refused to eat a banana slice 
unless it was the exact same size as the others?

 By the time you find the tag, 
you could have figured out which way the sheet goes on the damn bed -
just sayin!

 How long do you people stay in a shower?
If it's all of Happy Hour,
then your pruny selves have a problem!

 An inflatable tie - so you can sleep at work?
It will be a good thing to have with you at the Unemployment office -  
while you're waiting for your new temp job!

 Individual slices of cake to freeze... 
can't you get that by just cutting a whole one?
(and then washing ONE pan without the pain of all those dividers!)
Plus, it's PLASTIC -
how many of you microwave your baked goods?

Keeping track of both scissors AND tape is NOT the ultimate in multitasking, folks!

Hard to believe all these items went through marketing and manufacturing trials
and were put on the market!
I live a very simple, apparently Neanderthal, life.
Trust me, none of these things will be in my estate sale!

Monday, July 21, 2014

Livin' the dream

I saw this over the weekend on Facebook -
and then smiled when I realized THIS is precisely what I'm doing
in retirement!
Yup, it's a little bit of wonderful!

5 cu yds of mulch delivered on Friday -
shoveled, wheelbarrowed and spread over the weekend.
I'd pat myself on the back -
only I can't lift my arms!
I also have reorganized my art supplies and, 
after another road trip later this week,
will be coming back and playing 'Art Camp',
instead of playing in the garden.

"Art" seemed to be everywhere this weekend -
from a lovely tiny framed French print I picked up at a garage sale,
to a friends recommendation for a road trip to Goodland, KS
to see an 80ft VanGogh,
(and, yes, I will try to go!)
to another friend telling me about a terrific contemporary Polish Artist,
Pawl Kuczynski, whose powerful images make people think about
the dysfunctional aspects of our culture
in a completely accessible way.

Aren't they wonderful?
MY paltry attempts at putting brush or marker to paper
don't rise to the level of ANY 'real' artist -
but it keeps me off the streets and occupied!

Obviously no one style or genre -
not even any talent -
just self expression for its own sake!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Doodled paint chip paper strip village

because, some nights,
watching TV,
or sitting on the deck
just isn't what I want to do.

Just found a $100.00 gift card for Artmart
hidden away in a drawer -
will be going through my supplies,
getting new stock
on the hot summer nights I know are ahead,
having art camp for myself!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Here's the thing...

I'm still adjusting to being back from the Camino.

I know it's been almost two months
but there's not a day when it isn't part of some conversation;
when I don't think of 
some experience,
some event,
some person
or some lesson I learned 
while walking across Spain.
I've come to accept that this will always be the case.
A transformative experience will do that to a person.

It's not that I'm not glad to be back.
I'm glad I'm not walking 12- 20 miles a day.
I'm glad I'm not carrying an 18 lb backpack for 5-7 hours a day.
I'm glad to be sleeping in my own bed.
I'm glad to be seeing friends and catching up with family.

I'm delighted to be home,
 puttering in the garden 
or driving across multiple states 
to see even more friends and extended family.

There's a quality to all of it - 
especially the pace of my days -
 that feels like a prolonged recovery; 
like I'm in a halfway house 
after being treated for a long standing adrenaline addiction.

I'm more careful about my associations.
I don't immerse myself in politics or mass media - 
which have hair triggers that would challenge anyone;
I don't hang with many of the same people I did before;
I'm careful about what I eat, where I go, what I spend 
how all of my choices will feel with my soul.

to some of you,
it feels like the 'old me' is gone -
the snarky, sarcastic, quick with a quip me -
please be happy for me.

There was so much anger and pain behind that humor.

I'm still funny, 
I still love to laugh
but I have better, kinder filters.

What I don't have is the need to write here as often.

The internal process that was started on the Camino continues
and 'mulling' is being done - 
either with a select few friends 
or in silence.

I'm enjoying life tremendously
while I might not have a definite idea
about what the next phase of my life will look like,
I'm getting some clues.
It takes effort and intention
to reshape a life.

Most of all,
it takes patience - 
and we all know what a stretch that is for me.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Discovered treasures

in the archives...

I must admit,
I'm loving going through all the photo albums -
becoming increasingly grateful -
for all we've been through,
all we've survived
and how we've grown!

I've also loved finding images of Art Boys work -
some distant past
(as in high school),
some more recent;
all entertaining!

While I'm glad he's moved on from his Michael -Jackson -as only-muse phase
(which lasted 4 years),
it certainly was a creative time...


Each of the 'Harlequin romance covers' was huge -
4 feet x 8 feet.

This one,
my favorite,
was hanging in my bedroom for several years
on the only wall in the whole house that could accommodate 
such a large painting.
(Don't be fooled by the pictures of my neighbors homes;
I live in a cottage!)
One night, 
GI Joe and a friend came in to my room 
to tell me where they were headed
after the football game.
The friend, who had never been in my room before, was speechless
when he saw the painting.

As they were headed out of the house,
I heard him say to GI Joe,
"I didn't know your mom was dating a black guy".


Totally cracked me up then -
and it still does!
In my entire life,
I've never had decolletage like that!

I must say it allowed the tired single mom I was then to see myself in a whole new light!