Trust me;

I know I’m not the first person who ever planned to retire  

precipitously. 

(Can you tell how controlled my life is when I think 10 months ‘notice’ is precipitous?) 

I’m a ‘boomer’ -

there are literally millions of us 

facing this issue every year…

but knowing that 

doesn’t necessarily translate 

to being comfortable with it 

or thinking it’s a good idea – 

for me!

(Remember, 
our mothers practically invented 
the reality check phrase – 

“If all your friends were jumping
 off the roof, 
does that mean
YOU should do it!?”)

The minute I decided on a retirement date 

(March 15th, 2014) 

and said it out loud, 

it was so frightening 

that I wanted to walk it back 

immediately …

I was still on a vacation ‘high’; 

it was jet lag; 

it was an exaggerated period of 
post vacation return to work syndrome.

After all, I’d heard God – 
clearly I was delusional. 

Do these voices happen to everyone who decides to retire - 

or only us crackpots who do it in response to what God is telling us? 

Even though I KNOW in my heart of hearts – 

and even further south, 

in my gut – 

that it's the right decision, 

a whole litany of disparaging voices 

started clamoring in my head. 

It’s a terrible mistake; 

you don’t have enough   any money saved; 

you’ll be the old lady, sitting in the cold house, 

who has to eat dry cat food 

because she’s so poor;

what if your ‘plans’ don’t work out – 

your ‘plans’ have gone awry before, you know - 

what if you tell everyone 

and then, 

for some reason, 

you renege on Gods plan 

and change our mind, 

you'll look really foolish …

well, you get the point.

At the peak of the internal clamor

a friend walked in my door, 

carrying an unexpected gift -

a bookmark she saw
on a recent trip to New Orleans 

that made her think of me.

Clearly it was our shared vocation

and not shared high cheekbones

or decolletage

that brought the resemblance to mind!

I  have been a Social Worker

since 1971 - 

and I've never heard of this Saint Louise chick!

She's done such a great job 

of "maintaining her boundaries"
(always a big deal with us)

that she's been virtually invisible.

Flipping the card over to read more about her,

I was particularly struck by the last sentence!

Funny, the voices have gone back into hiding - 

at least for now!